作者: 魯海法·阿迪爾
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
Becoming a mother-in-law is probably harder than becoming a mother. A mother is blessed with a natural love for the child she carries inside her womb for nine difficult months, to whom she gives birth while enduring great pain and hardship, and to whom she devotes her entire life to raise in the best possible manner. A woman however becomes a mother-in-law within the span of a day, nay an event – the nikah (the marriage contract) – during which she not only hands over her position of being the most important person in her child’s life to another woman, but also has to accept within her sphere of love a person who she knows very little about and who has been raised in a way much different than one she chose for bringing up her own!
的確, becoming a mother-in-law is a difficult transition and one that is very seldom acknowledged as a life-changing moment for the woman. Each woman vows to be a better mother-in-law than her predecessor, but it’s easier said than done, for the relationship between the woman and her child’s spouse is a delicate one at best.
Muslims must be prepared to face the changing circumstances in their lives in the best way they can. A Muslim mother-in-law should be no different. Here are six things that every Muslim mother-in-law must keep in mind when it is time for her to embrace her children’s spouse!
1- She is not your daughter
This should be the first thing that every Muslim mother-in-law must accept and embrace – your son’s wife is not your daughter. She comes from a different family and has had a different upbringing. She may not take to things as naturally as you or your daughters would. Do not have the same expectations from her as you would from your daughters. Do not speak to her harshly or too frankly; she may not understand that you mean well, the way your own daughters might understand A healthy relationship with your daughter-in-law requires acceptance of her as an individual and not as an extension of your own children.
2- Treat her, 然而, the way you would want your daughter to be treated
Even though she is not your daughter, your daughter-in-law is somebody else’s daughter. She is the apple of someone else’s eyes. Treat her in the same way you would want your daughter to be treated. Turn the other eye when she makes a mistake; if she sleeps in late, make excuses for her the way you would make for your own daughter; if she has habits that make you cringe, remember that your daughter too does things which you discount off as those she has “inherited from her father”. Remember the wise words of Hamdun al-Qassar, one of the great early Muslims who said: “If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for him. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves.” (拜哈奇, Shu以及位於 Jumadah 和 Sha'ban 之間的 Rajab。”ab al-Iman, 7:522) Also remember the words of 先知 (在) 誰說: “Someone who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” (阿達卜·穆弗拉德; 聲音)
3- Remember that women are not born homemakers
Recall the time when you were a young homemaker and compare it to your homemaking skills now. You will realize that women are not born homemakers; time, experience, and effort enables them to master homemaking skills over the years .Whenever you see your sons’ homes not as well-maintained as your own, remember that very soon when his wife is more experienced and your grandchildren have grown up and gone, their house will be as spotless, clean, and quiet as yours.
4- What belongs to your son does not belong to you
Once your son is married, remind yourself that his wife is his life partner and their finances are their own. You have a definite right to pass on your experience to your children, but as they are now adults, you can only advice them and not force your opinion on them.
5- Your expectations should be from your own son
As a mother, 你有 an immense number of rights upon your children. Raise your sons with a strong sense of understanding of the rights he owes to you as a mother so that your expectations lie only with him and not with your daughter-in-law, who is under no obligation to serve you. Teach your sons the rights of his wife too so that he does not transgress her rights in fulfilling yours or vice versa.
6- Be allies. not enemies
Keeping your expectations from your son only does not mean that you shouldn’t have any relationship with your daughter-in-law! 相反, two women who care for the same man and his children are nothing short of allies, helping and encouraging each other in their common goal. 真主的使者 (願他平安，祝福他) 說過: “Religion is sincere advice.” (穆斯林) Create a relationship based on trust and helpfulness; let her feel that you have her best interests at heart and you are not judging her for her shortcomings. Revel in her successes as much as you did in your own, because her successes will only bring happiness to your son and enable the two of them to raise the generations of your family in the best way possible.
Writer’s note: For the purposes of this blog, I have mentioned solutions for mothers-in-law who have daughter(秒)-in-law. The readers may however adapt it if they have son(秒)-in-law.
魯海法·阿迪爾 (Ruhaifa Adil) 是四個孩子的母親, 虔誠的穆斯林, 一個狂熱的讀者, 和一位充滿熱情的作家. 她主要擔任母親和教師的培訓師, 提倡多感官, 以學習者為中心的方法, 這是她通過擔任閱讀障礙兒童治療專家的工作中學到的. 她也是英語教科書的作者, 以《古蘭經》的教義為基礎 (目前正在編輯中), 兼 Tafseer 兒童應用程序的創意總監 (即將推出 Insha’Allah).
© 國際公共衛生學院 2015
來源: http://博客.iiph.com/
– Pure Matrimony 帶給您的- 純婚姻網.
喜歡這篇文章? 通過在此處註冊我們的更新了解更多信息: http://萬維網.
或通過以下方式向我們註冊以找到您的一半 Insha'Allah: http://
發表評論