IVakamacala Taumada:

The focus to result in a successful wedding is to have healthy communication. It does not mean to have a luxurious wedding with “trendsetting styles”, gorgeous decoration, kei na so tale. Today we all have forgotten the teachings of Prophet Muhammad sallahu Alayhi wa salaam on how to have a successful wedding.

A date and water are more than enough to get wed. But today from the attires till the posh decoration everything is modern. Music dance and informal bash. “bachelor’s party” is also prevailing and organized where all filthy things take place like wines, vulgar chats, flirting girls etc. Did our prophet celebrate all these programs?

E veibasai, he asked us to get wed in Masjids. Because of society, we don’t follow the rules. Many big shots or office staffs might also want to attend the wedding. So a big plaza is better. In particular, we invite people to bless the couples. But today they congratulate the couples. Later, admire the attires, flowers and music, kei na so tale. Ena so na gauna, they might plan their weddings in your style. Jealousy, the way you organised. Some may ponder out the faults, both in food or the decoration. Religious people might fly away from the place.

Is this a successful wedding? Sega ni Kunea. A successful wedding means where couples are immensely happy. No couples in this world exist without fighting. Either a fight might result because of financial, or family, or working place.

Is it challenging to condone your spouse?

The main way to result in a successful marriage is to “understand” kei na “forgive” each other. Io, my dear brothers and sister are if you understand and forgive each other no one can split your pair. Those days people opted for a joint family. So if both father and mother are working parents, they will leave the child under the care of ‘grandparents’ or ‘babysitting’.

But now after so many videos being published in social media on how cruel the babysitters are with children. We “fear” to leave our children under them. Ena so na gauna, even grandparents lose their temper because of their age.

In a nuclear family, the mother should return home and also work because of today’s world. Here starts the challenge of understanding. Both parents should take charge of taking care of children. A husband should not be least bothered about his kids and family. Only “earning” is not enough. Nursing child and giving attention to your child is very crucial. To solve this problem, a better “understanding” between couples is highly necessary.

Even if you do not have kids as soon as marriage, it is important to have a great understanding. A wife should not spend her whole time at work. It is better to skip hectic jobs if you do not have time to spend. Cooking for your husband is an enjoyment. Do not always depend on restaurant food. At weekends it depends on your job. At these circumstances, both husband and wife should have the best understanding.

Forgiveness a golden key.

The major throwback for divorce is ‘wrath’, ‘rage’, ‘anger’, ‘stubborn’, ‘sensitive’, ‘comparison’ and ‘attitude’ kei na so tale. Remember the anger comes from shaitan. Because of social pressure or family situation, we do not have sabr- vosota. Accept that there are “inevitable” trials in married life. So you will have a great understanding. Me kena ikuri, accept “responsibility” for your role in a disagreement. But don’t make “threats” when you lose your temper.

Maintain your “gesture”. Do not raise your voice or show attitude. Accept that marriage life has lots of flaws. So forgive each other. The best way to solve and to have a healthy relationship is to forgive. Smile it is a sunnah. Do not rush up with your tongue. Because it hurts more. Be gentle and soft. Just ‘hug’ or ‘cuddle’ your spouse when he or she loses the temper.

Once you forgive and throw off your attitude. Nothing can harm you. Prophet Muhammad Sall ahu Alayhi wa Sallam forgave people who did very filthy things. But if they are not turning back and following the same. Seek Allah’s help and guidance. Unless you don’t forgive a person who sinned Allah will not forgive too. Just put your faith in God, and even you ask for forgiveness.

Dua for forgiveness.

Shaddad bin Aus (May Allah be pleased with him) e kaya:

Na Parofita (ﷺ) e kaya, “The best supplication for seeking forgiveness (Syed-ul- Istighfar) is to say: ‘Allahumma Anta Rabbi, la ilaha illa Anta, khalaqtani wa ana ‘abduka, wa ana ‘ala ‘ahdika wa wa’dika mastata’tu, a’udhu bika min Sharri ma sana’tu, abu’u laka bini’matika ‘alayya, wa abu’u bidhanbi faghfir li, fa innahu la yaghfirudh-dhunuba illa Anta.

(Oi Kemuni na Kalou! You are mine, Kalou. There is no true god except you. You have created me, and I am Your slave, and I hold to Your Covenant as far as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge the favour’s that you have given up on me, and I confess my sins. Pardon me, for none but You have the power to pardon).’ He who supplicates in these terms during the day with a firm belief in it and dies on the same day (before the evening), he will be one dweller of paradise; and if anyone supplicates in these terms during the night with a firm belief in it and dies before the morning, he will be one dweller of paradise.”

[Bukhari].

وعن شداد بن أوس رضي الله عنه عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ ‏”‏سيد الإستغفار أن يقول العبد ‏:‏ اللهم أنت ربي، لا إله إلا أنت ، خلقتني وأنا عبدك، وأنا على عهدك ووعدك ما استطعت أعوذ بك من شر ما صنعت أبوء لك بنعمتك علي، وأبوء بذنبي، فاغفر لي فإنه لا يغفر الذنوب إلا أنت، من قالها من النهار موقنا بها، فمات من يومه قبل أن يمسي، فهو من أهل الجنة، ومن قالها من الليل وهو موقن بها فمات قبل أن يصبح، فهو من أهل الجنة” ‏(‏‏(‏رواه البخاري‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏ (1)

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