To The Mom Who Feels Like She Is A Failure

YOU’RE not.

I know you’ve heard it before. You’ve read the articles, blog posts, tweet, and Facebook statuses…You know you’re not supposed to compare yourself to other moms.

You know you are supposed to cut out the negative self-talk.

But today…it just got to be too much.

Today, you heard that voice in the back of your head that said, “I’m a failure.”

Maybe you went to a friend’s house and saw that it was spotless ma sha Allah.

Or maybe you saw your other friend really making an impact in others’ lives and wondered what stops you from doing big things.

Or maybe you just looked around your home and couldn’t find a space to sit and think.

And it all just became overwhelming…

The grease spots on the kitchen wall. The dirty cup under the table. The toys, scraps of paper, and lonely socks without a match.

I’ve been there.

I know sometimes you manage to talk yourself out of the slump. Some days you give yourself grace. You remind yourself that that friend has a messy home too sometimes. That the other friend doing “big things” is in a different place in her life right now than you. And that the dirty kitchen isn’t such a big deal; you can take care of it tomorrow.

But today…it hurts a little more than usual.

Today, you need a little bit more convincing.

Today, you need someone to remind you that it’s ok that you don’t have a live in maid like that sister, or a husband or mother to watch your kids like that other sister…And you’re not supposed to. You don’t have to live up to their reality. You are living YOUR life and You Are Not a Failure.

You are not your greasy walls, your misplaced cups or your lost laundry.

You are not the “dinner-gone-wrong-let’s-order-kabsa” days.

You are not defined by your low times.

You can dust off your pants and get back up again.

You can do this.

I know you can. And Allah knows you can.

You just need to know you can.

I want you to do something for yourself.

I’m sure if I told you to write down all of the things you didn’t do/don’t have/need to do to be like sister so-and-so, that you could fill a page pretty quickly.

But that’s not what I want you to do.

I want you to write a list of all the things you DID do. All of the things you are for your children. All of the times you did great.

It may take a while, but that’s okay. There’s no time limit.

Write down some and come back to it if you have to.

And remember –

Don’t compare yourself to your other mom-friends.

Stop the negative self talk.

Cakava o koya me tiko vua, you can try again tomorrow, Kei na

You are not alone.

Veiwatini Savasava

....Na Vanua e Taucoko Kina na Vakatovotovo

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