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Photo Credit: Khadijah Stott-Andrew © - 2012
The husband himself may be the cause of an unhappy marriage. Mar shampla, he may be very stingy and miserly… He may also be someone who is very harsh, tough and despotic. He may be one who forces his will and decisions upon his wife in every matter without consulting with her, taking into consideration her feelings, exchanging views on the matter and being pleasant with this wife.
He might consider his wife like some kind of chattel [instead of another human] and therefore deals with her with coldness and coarseness without any compassion or gentleness…
“He may cause his wife different forms of harm, such as cursing her or her family, reviling her, verbally abusing her for the tiniest of reasons… Or [another act of nushooz on his part is that] he may try to bring harm to her by divorcing her and then, before the waiting period is finished, bring her back as his wife and then divorce her again. All this is done without the intention of returning to a real married life but simply to harm her and transgress her rights. Or he may avoid having sexual intercourse with her for no reason or legal sanction. This may lead the woman to lose her chastity and doing something forbidden.” [Al-Bahuti al-Hanbali, Kishaaf al-Qinaa’ an Matn al-Iqnaa’, vol. 5, pp. 184, 290, 213; Ibn Abideen, Radd al-Mukhtar ala al-Darr al-Mukhtar wa Hashiyah, vol. 3, p. 190; Tafseer al-Manaar, vol. 5, p. 76.]
Shaikh al-Islam ibn Taimiyyah stated,
“The harm that comes about to the woman by the man avoiding sexual intercourse with her is such that the marriage may be dissolved under every circumstance, regardless if it was intentional from the husband or unintentional, or if he had the ability to perform sexual intercourse or not.”
[Ibn Taimiyah, al-Fatawa al-Kubra, vol. 4, p. 562; Ibn Taimiyah, Majmuah al-Fatawa, vol. 32, p. 40.]
[Nushooz on the part of the husband includes] when he orders her to do something forbidden or illegal, such as going out in public displaying her beauty or uncovering parts of her that must be covered, to go among men she is not related to…
Or, he may not fulfil the needs of his wife and children such that their well-being is not met. Or, he does things that hurt and dishonor his wife and show lack of respect for her, such as backbiting her, slandering her or joking about her. Or, he may be desirous of her wealth and forces her to spend it on his behalf.
[Taken From “Marital Discord (An-Nushooz)” by Sh. Saalih Al-Sadlaan, p. 32]
Really It is Veeeeeery Truuuuuu ! All what I read above ar what i am seeing in my life now ! N it is irritate me when i look at those people treat their wives as nothing for them 🙁
This is true,
Most men nowadays make fun of their wives like a tv show just for him and his friends to about something. 🙁
This is true,
Most men nowadays make fun of their wives like a tv show just for him and his friends to talk about something.
Then there goes the man saying that “if you are really a good wife you will never do something wrong even how bad you husband is” 🙁
Sad most so called Muslim by name Brother’s/ Husbands use Islamic Marriage as a front for their usury which is forbidden in Islam seeking wife or wives for Visa/Permanent Resident and temporary selfish lustful desires. Allah swt is all aware. Sister’s if you have a bad feeling in your heart get far away before they destroy your Iman faith in Allah swt. InshAllah Allah swt will replace them with someone who treasures you as a true Muslimah Wife.
A man who curses his wife and strives to bring misery to her heart and tears to her eyes by his words/actions and to her children do not deserve to be married. Allah swt God protect all from these type of men. Allah swt loves those who honor themselves from oppression/abuse…InshAllah they will be rewarded for their strong Iman Ameen
the part about him saying that a good wife will be good even if her husband is bad…that is your first clue that he is trying to play games and is not serious about serving the right way of life ….shows he does not fear harming his wife,..shows no sign or interest in Deen Allah swt. A true Muslim Husband would never think to speak to his wife and play games with her. A Muslim Wife is a treasure and the Husband who loves Allah swt and Islam would treat her with kindness. A Muslim husband would never make fun of his wife in front of his friends that is very disrespectful. Put Allah swt first and you will be rewarded with better InshAllah. Allah swt help you to be strong.
if he is a really good husband he is not ganna make his wife cry or do some thing wrong deed
I somehow experience the painful reality of these kind of treatment so I decided to leave my husband and bring my only child with me to my home country,hoping that he will change the way he think and the way he treated me..but it was a mistake because he became worst than before..He stop suporting me and our child and now he proudly say that he will marry again so he dont need to divorce me..no plan to give my dowry,nor support our child even in a merciful way and still sending me bad messages that I cannot take most of the time..I wanna be free from him but he dont want to cooperate.Iam thinking if I will be the one to file the divorce as Iam financially incapable as well.Please give me legal advice fellow brothers and sisters..Subhan Allah..
InshAllah Allah swt will keep you strong. InshAllah if you are in a western country you can obtain a divorce and with no fee there are free lawyers. InshAllah if you are in a Middle Eastern Country there are Imam’s who take very serious these actions of Men who misuse wives. Sign when a man is weak when he speaks of marrying another wife when he knows he can’t take care of what he has already. If he was a true Muslim Brother he would find the right words and Imam to help him mend his relation with you. Remember a Man is as good as the company he keeps, his actions and his words. Don’t settle for less than an honorable relationship. Life is short for us all we are all in this world to be tested and strengthen our Faith under stressful times InshAllah to be rewarded for our patience, actions and words. Allah swt with you Ameen.
It remains 1 week to have my divorce. I become divorced with no real reason just because i asked him always to take care after me. he is someone who takes care more about other peoples ; a chlann, relatives, friends and the family of his friends. He gave them services and supported them in many situations, but me not. 4 years of mariage, I did not get children, I went to a lot doctors. I did not have something special that prevent me to be pregrant, at the contrary the medicines (hormones) that doctors gave me caused me problems. I found myself going and coming to doctors alone, but he did not care. Recently he changed and became different, he was always travelling because of the nature of his work, he came only 1 days a week and when he came, he was whether occupied with his family or his friends and me I am the last station. My mother was passed away the 16th of febraury 2012 after an incurable illness which durated 6 month. he was present at the funeral, and then travelled and came till the 25th of febraury 2012 at night, I was still at my family house, as soon as he came he sister called him to plan to go to nature the day after. I said that time is not appropriate and he had to stay with me to give me sympath and to see my needs, but he insisted to go. So I was furious and I said that normally your sister had to come back to see me and to sympathise with me. He was also furious and he brought me back to my family house, and the 7th march I received from the court a request of divorce. it is very difficult for me to support 2 calamaties at the same the death of my mother and the divorce of the the husband. Alhamdolilah I have faith in ALLAH, and ALLAH inchallah will pay him and his family because they have oppressed me. Please pray with me that ALLAH help…
my married life also ended due to these resuns, no love no affection , no appreciation nd no compromise even no communication nd conversation frm my husbands side.
he played wid my emotions nd ruined my whole life…….leaving me after making me a mom.