Muva nje, phakathi neseshini yami yokugcina ye-psychotherapy yesonto, Ngalalela owesifazane ongumSulumane ekhuluma ngemininingwane yokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi esemncane. Ukhulume ngokuthi umenzi wobubi wayengumngane womndeni futhi wamnukubeza emzini wakhe. Uqhube wathi nangesikhathi elinye ilungu lomndeni lithola lokho, esikhundleni sokumhlenga, wahlangana nomenzi wobubi. Ukuba yi-psychotherapist isikhathi esithile manje, Ngizwile inqwaba yezindaba zokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kwabesilisa, abesifazane nezingane. Ukulandisa ngakunye kwehluke kakhulu mayelana nokuthi ukuhlukunyezwa kwaqala futhi kwamiswa kanjani, futhi nokho izakhi eziningi ziyefana- njengokuhlukumezeka, imfihlo kanye namahloni.
Indaba yakhe bekungeyona enzima kakhulu engike ngayizwa nganoma iyiphi indlela, kodwa okuthile mayelana nokulandisa kwakhe kungenze ngacabanga ngendlela engangingakaze ngiyicabange ngaphambili. Mhlawumbe kwaba ukuqina kwakhe nokuzimisela kwakhe ukuvikela ezakhe izingane kulokhu okwenzeka futhi. Mhlawumbe bekunento yokwenza nalo nyaka odlule wezinsolo zokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi okunganqamuki ezindabeni. Noma mhlawumbe kwakuhlobene nendodakazi yami eneminyaka engu-7 ubudala manje esekhulile futhi u-Allah-benqabela ingase izithole ikwesinye salezi zimo..
Ngathi ngivala ihhovisi lami ngiqonda emotweni yami, Ngaqala ukucabanga ngamakhasimende engangiwabone eminyakeni edlule. Ngaqala ukucabanga ngokufana nokungafani phakathi kwezisulu, noma abasindile kunalokho, nemindeni yabo. Imaphi amaphethini engawabona mathupha, futhi yiziphi iziphetho engingazidlulisela kwabanye abazali ukusiza ukuvimbela ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi emphakathini wethu?
Ake ngihlanganyele okunye kwalokho okuphawulwe esikhathini esedlule 10 iminyaka nawe:
ONGAKWENZA
Nakuba kungekho okungasusa ubungozi ngokuphelele njengoba ungeke ukwazi ukubuka ingane yakho ngaso sonke isikhathi, kunezinyathelo ezijwayelekile ongazithatha ukuze unciphise amathuba okuba ingane yakho ihlukunyezwe ngokocansi. Ezinye zalezi zinyathelo zokuphepha zihlanganisa:
- Ukungashiyi ingane yakho nabantu abadala ongabazi (Khumbula ukuthi ngoba umuntu ungumalume wakho osuka phesheya kwezilwandle noma umakhelwane wakho akusho wena yazi bona)
- Ukungashiyi ingane yakho encane ingagadiwe isikhathi eside lapho idlala nezinye izingane ezindaweni okungezona umphakathi
- Ukukhuthaza ukudlala ezindaweni ezivulekile uma kuqhathaniswa neminyango evaliwe
- Ukweseka ingane yakho lapho ikutshela ukuthi izizwa ingakhululekile ngomuntu omdala
- Ukuqapha nokubuza nganoma yikuphi ukuziphatha okuzumayo okuya ocansini noma ukudlala ngokocansi okungahambisani nobudala (lokhu akubandakanyi ilukuluku lokwazi ngomzimba womuntu noma udokotela odlalayo, kodwa izenzo zabantu abadala ezingafundwa kuphela uma zibonwa).
- Ukuba “Nokuthinta Okuphephile, Ukuthinta Okungaphephile” khuluma nezingane zakho
Nakuba iningi lalokhu liqonde phambili, Bengifuna ukunaba kancane nge-“Safe Touch / Ukuthinta Okungaphephile” khuluma. Injongo yale nkulumo iwukufundisa izingane zakho ngokuthi ikuphi ukuxhumana okufanelekile nokuthi ikuphi ukuxhumana okungafanele nabanye. Abazali akufanele bacabange ukuthi lolu ulwazi oluvamile lwezingane ngoba akunjalo.
Kulungile ukuthi umuntu ongamazi akukitaze? Ingabe udokotela angathinta isitho sakho sangasese uma sibuhlungu? Ingabe ingane yakini ingabambana nawe ingagqokile? Kumele uhloniphe abantu abadala, kodwa wenzenjani uma umuntu omdala enza into ebuhlungu kuwe? Izimpendulo zale mibuzo azicacile ezinganeni futhi zidinga ukufundiswa zisencane.
Uma ingane yakho isineminyaka ecishe ibe mithathu ungaqala ukuba nezingxoxo mayelana nokuthintwa okuphephile kanye nokuthinta okungaphephile. Lena akuyona ingxoxo yesikhathi esisodwa futhi kufanele ibuye ivakashelwe ngezikhathi ezithile (1-2 izikhathi ngonyaka) noma njengoba kudingeka njengoba izingane zivame ukukhohlwa. Sebenzisa ulimi olufanele iminyaka yobudala futhi ungenzi into enkulu ngengxoxo ukuze ugweme ukuyenza ingakhululeki futhi icindezele. Ngezansi kukhona amathiphu okuthi ingxoxo ingahlanganisa ini:
- Chaza umehluko phakathi kokuthintwa okuphephile nokuthinta okungaphephile. Ukuthinta okuphephile ukuxhawula izandla, embambatha emhlane, ukugona (ezimweni ezithile), futhi eqabula esihlathini (ezimweni ezithile). Ukuthinta okungaphephile yilapho othile ethinta izitho zakho zangasese NOMA lapho othile ekuthinta ngendlela ongayifuni ngaphandle kwemvume yakho..
- Fundisa izingane zakho mayelana nezigaba ezahlukene zabantu nokuthi ukuthinta kuhlobana kanjani nazo.
- Khuluma ngokuthinta okudidayo- ukuthi kufanele beze kumuntu omdala abamethembayo futhi babelane ngolwazi lwabo uma uhlobo oluthile lokuthinta lubadida, noma abanaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ukuthinta kube ngengozi noma ngenhloso.
Abangazi: Izingane akufanele zihlale zodwa nabantu ezingabazi, futhi abantu abangabazi akufanele nanini bathinte izingane nganoma iyiphi indlela (okuhle noma okubi) uma umzali engekho ngaphandle uma ingane isengozini enkulu futhi umfokazi uzama ukuyisindisa.
Abangane Besikole, othisha, umndeni owandisiwe nabangane bomndeni: Tshela izingane zakho ukuthi zingaxhawula futhi zigone lapho zithanda. Khubaza izingane ezindala ukuthi zingahlali emathangeni abantu abadala. Khuluma nezingane ezindala mayelana nokungabonisi i-wrah yazo kwabanye futhi ungavumeli noma ubani ukuthi athinte i-awrah yabo.
Ngokushesha Umndeni kanye nodokotela: Tshela izingane zakho ukuthi zingagona, bambana, bange baqabule abazali, izingane zakubo kanye nogogo nomkhulu, kodwa lamalungu omkhaya aseduze ngokuvamile awavunyelwe ukuthinta izitho zangasese. Bachazele ukuthi zimbalwa kakhulu izimo eziqondile futhi eziqondile lapho umzali ekwazi ukuthinta isitho sangasese njengalapho efaka ukhilimu we-diaper rash enganeni., ukusula ingaphansi lengane encane ngemva kokusebenzisa indlu yokugezela noma lapho kubuhlungu futhi umzali kudingeka anqume ukuthi ingane kufanele iye kudokotela. Kwenze kucace ukuthi ngale kwalezi zimo akekho umuntu okufanele athinte izitho zakhe zangasese.
- Khuluma nezingane zakho mayelana nemvume usebenzisa amagama ezingawaqonda. Batshele ukuthi bangalokothi bathinte, ukwanga noma ukuqabula umuntu uma engafuni. Batshele uma bezizwa bengakhululekile ukuba seduze nomuntu ukuthi banelungelo lokuziqhelelanisa. Zijwayeze nabo izindlela ezifanele zokwenqaba uthando uma bengaluthandi.
- Chazela izingane zakho ukuthi uma othile ezithinta ngokungafanele, kulungile ukubaphusha noma ubathethise ukuze babaleke- noma ngabe umuntu usekhulile noma enegunya. Fundisa izingane zakho ukuthi kufanele zimemeze kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka, baleka utshele umuntu omdala ngokushesha. Uma besendlini yomngane lapho lokhu kwenzeka kufanele bakushayele ucingo ngokushesha.
- Fundisa izingane zakho ukuthi lo muntu angase azitshele ukuthi zikugcine kuyimfihlo futhi lokho akulungile. Yala izingane zakho ukuthi kufanele zikutshele ngaso sonke isikhathi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuntu uzitshelani noma ukuthi ungubani.
- Gcizelela ezinganeni zakho ukuthi awusoze wazithukuthelela noma uzijezise ngokukutshela okwenzekile, noma ngabe umuntu othinte okungaphephile noma ukuthinta okudidayo usho njalo.
Amaphuzu amabili okugcina abaluleke kakhulu njengoba iningi lezisulu zabantu abadala engizibona ehhovisi lami zingitshela ukuthi azikaze zibatshele abazali bazo.. Lokho kusho ukuthi laba bazali babexhumana nsuku zonke nezingane zabo (edla nabo isidlo sakusihlwa, egijima nabo, ukuwafaka ebusuku, njll.) iminyaka ngaphandle kokwazi ukuthi kwenzekeni. Ungawucabanga lowomthwalo onzima ongabonakali lezi zingane, futhi kamuva abantu abadala, bahamba nabo usuku nosuku, unyaka nonyaka, futhi kwezinye izimo ishumi leminyaka ngemva kweshumi leminyaka?
Kungase kungakhululeki ukukhuluma nengane yakho mayelana nokuthintwa okuphephile noma ukuthinta okungaphephile. Ungase uzibuze nokuthi inkulumo uyinikeza ngendlela efanele yini. Le mizwa ilungile futhi ijwayelekile ngokuphelele, kodwa okubalulekile wukuqinisekisa ukuthi unayo le ngxoxo, njengoba kungeke kuthathelwe indawo uma kwenzeka okuthile. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi awukwazi ukukhuluma nganoma yisiphi isizathu, funa izinsiza ku-inthanethi, thintana nomeluleki wengane yakho, khuluma nodokotela wezingane wengane yakho, noma uthole umelaphi wezempilo yengqondo ukuze akusize.
Into eyodwa okufanele uyikhumbule ukuthi uma enye yezingane zakho iye yahlukunyezwa ngokocansi, yazini ukuthi akulona iphutha labo noma elenu. Thola usizo lochwepheshe ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka ukuze unciphise okwenzekile futhi uqale inqubo yokuphulukisa. Uma usheshe uthole ukwelashwa kuba ngcono, kodwa futhi yazi ukuthi akukephuzi kakhulu ukuthola usizo noma.
Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi ngeke kuqedwe ngokuphelele kodwa uma sifundisa izingane zethu ukuthi zingavinjelwa kanjani ukuhlukunyezwa futhi singenelele kusenesikhathi singaba nomthelela omkhulu ezizukulwaneni ezizayo.. Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyazibuza ukuthi ngabe ukuphila okungcono kangakanani kumakhasimende ami, ngabe abantu babafundise la makhono noma bangenelele ngendlela efanele ngaso leso sikhathi. Kungakanani ukuhlukumezeka kwabo obekuzoncipha nokuthi ngabe izimpilo zabo bezizoba lula kangakanani kubo ukwazi ukuthi kukhona obakholelwayo futhi obakhathalelayo? Sekwephuze kakhulu ukubuyela emuva futhi ngishintshe izimo zobuntwana kumakhasimende ami amadala, kodwa yisikhathi esifanele sokuthi sifundise izingane zethu.
Kwangathi u-Allah angasinika amandla kanye nezindlela zokufundisa izingane zethu wonke amakhono eziwadingayo ukuze zizivikele futhi ziphumelele, futhi sengathi u-Allah angabaphulukisa bonke labo bantu kanye nemindeni ethintekile ngokuhlukunyezwa.
U-Najwa Awad ungusonhlalakahle wasemtholampilo onelayisensi (I-LCSW-C) esinikeze ukwelashwa kwengqondo kubantu ngabanye nemindeni endaweni yedolobha lase-Baltimore-Washington isikhathi eside 10 iminyaka. Uthole iziqu zeBachelors kuPsychology eGeorge Mason University ngo 2005. Ku 2007 uthole iMasters kuSocial Work eVirginia Commonwealth University egxile ekwelashweni kwabantu kanye nemindeni. UNajwa futhi unemfundo yangemva kokuthweswa iziqu ekwelapheni ukuhlukumezeka kwengqondo okuyinkimbinkimbi nempilo ye-telemental (ukwelulekwa nge-inthanethi). Ulwazi lwakhe kulo mkhakha luhlukahlukene futhi luhlanganisa nokuhlinzeka ngezinsizakalo emakhaya eqembu, ezikoleni kanye nasohlelweni lokunakekela izingane ezitholwa yizingane okungebona kuzo. Muva nje uNajwa ubesebenza futhi eqondisa ezimeni zempilo yengqondo ezigulini ezingaphandle ehlinzeka nge-psychotherapy kubantu besifazane, izingane nemindeni. Izinkinga eziphathwayo ngokuvamile zihlanganisa ukuhlukumezeka, ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo, ukuphazamiseka kokuziphatha nokukhathazeka. Ngaphezu kokunikeza imihlangano yokucobelelana ngolwazi yezempilo yengqondo njalo emphakathini, U-Najwa uphinde abe nguBantu e-Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research.
shiya impendulo