Ukukhulisa Umzali Oyedwa

Umthombo: UMunira Lekovic Ezzeldine,http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/

Ukuba ngumzali kuwumsebenzi onzima, kodwa ukuba umzali oyedwa kuyinselele enzima nakakhulu, njengomzali oyedwa ezama ukufeza indima kamama neyobaba enganeni yabo. Ukuba umzali ongayedwana kufuna kakhulu ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo nangokwezimali. Kungaba nezizathu nezimo eziningi zokuba umzali oyedwa, njengedivosi, umlingani osebenza phesheya, ingane ezalwa ngaphandle komshado, noma ngisho ukugula noma ukushona komzali. Ngokudabukisayo, umphakathi wamaSulumane uvame ukubahlukanisa futhi ubacwase abazali abangabodwa futhi ngokuvamile uyakhetha ukuthi yimuphi umzali oyedwa “ofanelwe” ububele., ngesisekelo sezizathu zokuthi abashadile. Isimo sengqondo sokwahlulela asisizi ukukhuthaza abazali abangabodwa ukuba babe abazali abangcono kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka enganeni yabo(ren). Uzwelo nokwesekwa okuvela emphakathini kuyadingeka ukusiza abazali abangabodwa ohambweni lwabo oluyinselelo. Lesi sihloko sihlose ukunikeza ukusekela okwakhayo kubazali abangabodwa njengoba befuna ukukhulisa izingane zabo, insha'Allah.

Kunezibonelo eziningi esikweni lamaSulumane labazali abangabodwa abakhulisa izingane ngempumelelo ukuze zibe abantu abanamandla. Laba bantu babe sebeshiyela isintu ifa elikhanya ngokugqamile, ikakhulukazi ngenxa yokukhuliswa abazali abangabodwa. Hajar, unina ka-Ismail (pbuh), Maryam, unina womprofethi u-Isaya (pbuh), kanye no-Amina, unina woMprofethi uMuhammad (pbuh), bonke bakhulisa amadodana abo eyedwa ngenxa yezimo ezihlukene. Bonke babeka ithemba labo ku-Allah futhi basebenza kanzima ukuze babe abazali abangcono kakhulu abangaba ngabo ezinganeni zabo. Futhi, omama baka-Imam al-Shafi', U-Imam Ahmed no-Imam Bukhari bakhulisa amadodana abo bodwa, bonke kamuva ababa yizibalo ezidumile ezashiya umthelela omkhulu emhlabeni. Iqiniso liwukuthi abazali abangabodwa abangamaSulumane bakhona namuhla. Badinga ukwesekwa njengoba belwela ukukhulisa izingane ezingamaMuslim eziqinile ukuze zibe nesikhathi esizayo.

Izingane ezikhuliswa abazali abangabodwa zikhula kahle emakhaya ezinzile, ukuphepha, uthando, nokuvumelana. Umzali ongayedwa ozibophezele ekunikezeni isiyalo sothando uyovula indawo yokuba ingane ichume ngempela. Ukukhulisa izingane ezilondekile neziphumelelayo kudinga abazali abangabodwa ukuba basebenzise ngokuzethemba la makhono alandelayo okuba umzali.

Isiyalo

Ngezinye izikhathi abazali abangabodwa bangase bazizwe benecala noma bagajwe imisebenzi yabo yokukhulisa izingane, ngakho baphendukela ekuphoqeleleni imithetho ebuthakathaka noma ekugobeni “imithetho” ukuze bajabulise ingane yabo futhi banciphise ukungqubuzana okungase kube khona.. Abanye abazali bangase banxephezele ukungabikho komunye umzali ngokuvumela indlela yabo yokukhulisa izingane. Abazali abangabodwa kumelwe baqikelele ukuba abavumeli izingane ukuba zichithe imithetho ebekwe umzali noma zibe “abangane” babo. Ukubekela izingane imingcele kwakha isakhiwo esidingeka kakhulu kuwo wonke amakhaya (eyodwa nambili) ngoba izingane zifuna ukwazi ukuthi umzali wazo unemithetho futhi uzibekele imingcele nalokho ezikulindele. Imingcele ibuye idale umuzwa wokuphepha enganeni ngoba indima yomzali nengane ibekwe ngokucacile. Imingcele yabazali ifundisa ingane ukuhlonipha umzali futhi iqinise indima yabo emkhayeni.

Ukuvumelana

Izingane ezibhekene nesehlukaniso noma ukufa ziyofisa ukuzinza njengoba zijwayela ukuphila kwazo okusha nomzali oyedwa. Ukusungula izinqubo, amashejuli namasiko abalulekile ezinganeni uma zijwayela ukuguquguquka komndeni omusha. Ingane ifuna ukwazi ukuthi yini okufanele ilindele futhi ibheke phambili ekuphileni kwansuku zonke. Ukungaguquguquki ezindleleni zansuku zonke kunikeza ingane(ren) umuzwa wokulondeka nokuzinza. Ukugxila ekudaleni izinqubo zasekuseni, Amashejuli amasonto onke kanye nezidlo zakusihlwa ndawonye kuyizindlela ezincane abazali abangabodwa abangadala ngazo ukungaguquguquki enganeni yabo. Ukutholakala komzali mayelana nokunakwa nokuba khona ngokomzimba kuzoqinisekisa ingane(ren) umuzwa wokuba ngowabanye. Futhi, ukudala amasiko amasha nezinkumbulo ngesikhathi samaholide nezikhathi ezikhethekile kuqinisekisa kabusha ubunikazi bomndeni omusha.

Ukusekela Ngokomzwelo

Abazali abangabodwa kanye nezingane zabo bangase balwe nemizwa nemizwelo ehlukahlukene ezungeze ukwakheka komkhaya wabo omusha. Umzali nengane bangase babhekane nezinguquko neziyaluyalu ekuphileni kwabo, futhi bangabelana omunye nomunye ngezinselele zesakhiwo esisha somndeni. Abazali kudingeka balalele futhi bezwe ngempela ingane yabo(ren) lapho bexoxa ngemicabango nemizwa yabo. Abazali akufanele bakhulume amazwi alulazayo ngomunye umzali njengendlela yokuthola uzwela lwengane(ren). Naphezu kokucindezeleka okuvamile, abazali akumelwe baphendukele enganeni yabo ukuze bathole ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo noma bayithwese ubunzima ngezinselele zomuntu siqu ezibhekana nazo. Abazali kufanele baphendukele emibuthanweni yabo yokuxhumana nabantu futhi bathulule isifuba kwabanye abantu abadala nabangane kuphela. Ukuthululela izinkathazo noma ukukhononda enganeni akulungile, kungakhathaliseki izinga lokuvuthwa kwengane. Kuyingozi kakhulu ezinganeni ukumunca imicabango nemizwa yabazali bazo. Izingane kudingeka zihlale ziyizingane futhi akufanele zibe “umngane” noma “umelaphi” womzali. Abazali abazizwa becindezelekile, edangele, ukukhathazeka noma isizungu, kufanele afune isiqondiso sochwepheshe noma ukusekelwa kwabanye abantu abadala njengoba bejwayela ukuba umzali oyedwa.

Kudingeka iVillage

Abazali abangabodwa bayodinga usizo nokusekelwa ngemisebenzi engapheli nemithwalo yemfanelo yokukhulisa ingane(ren) . Lokhu kudinga ukukhululeka ukucela usizo emndenini nakubangane. Ukufuna ukwesekwa ngokunakekela izingane, njengokuhamba ngemoto, usizo uma kunezimo eziphuthumayo, noma ukuhlela izingxabano emsebenzini, kuyozuzisa abazali abangabodwa lapho beluliwe ezinhlangothini eziningi. Ukudala isimo sokusebenzisana ekhaya lapho ingane(ren) babe nemisebenzi kanye nezibopho kubalulekile ukuze ingane(ren) baqonde indima yabo emndenini futhi bazizwe njengabanikelayo abanekhono.

Zinakekele

Abazali abangabodwa basebenza kanzima ukuze banakekele futhi bondle izingane zabo; izikhathi eziningi, bayazishaya indiva noma bangase bazizwe benecala ngokuphuca izingane zabo isikhathi. Nokho, kudingekile ukuba abazali bazinakekele ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo nangokomoya. Ukupha ngaphandle kokugcwalisa kuzokhawulela ikhono lomzali lokuba ngcono kakhulu. Ukuhlela isikhathi sokuzilibazisa nemisebenzi ejabulisayo njengokufunda, ukubukela imuvi, ukuphuza ikhofi nomngane, njll. izindlela abazali abangathola ngazo ukwaneliseka komuntu siqu. Ukudala isikhathi sokuzivocavoca, udle ngendlela efanele futhi ugxile emthandazweni nasekuxhumeni kabusha ku-Allah kuzosiza ekulawuleni ukucindezeleka nokuphila ukuphila okulinganiselayo. Ukwakha inkundla yokuxhumana yabangane abaseduze noma abanye abazali abangabodwa kuzonika abazali amandla ukuze bangazizwa bebodwa ohambweni lwabo. Amasistimu okusekela aqinile angenza abazali abangabodwa babelane futhi bazizwe bamukelwe abanye abantu abadala abaqonda umongo wabo. Ekugcineni ingane(ren)Inhlalakahle engokomzwelo incike endleleni yokuphila enempilo nelinganiselayo yomzali.

Abazali abangabodwa abangamaSulumane abanesimo sengqondo esihle futhi bazwakalisa ukuqina bazomodela umlingiswa oqinile ezinganeni zabo. Abazali abangabodwa kumelwe babe nomusa kubo futhi bagxile ekwenzeni okusemandleni abo. Ngeke babe “abaphelele” futhi ngeke bakwazi ukugcwalisa izicathulo zomzali wesibili. Ukuba umzali ongcono kakhulu ukhona futhi uxhumene nengane yakho(ren) ngendlela enothando nekhuthazayo nsuku zonke. Lezi yizinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ongazenza njengomzali, ongashadile noma okunye.

Umthombo: UMunira Lekovic Ezzeldine, http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/parents/single-parenting/