Learning To Co-Pilot

Every job has a boss, someone that makes the decisions and in our home our husband has the final say- he is in charge. May not be an easy pill to swallow, but alhamdulilah it is something that we must learn to submit to.

We made a commitment…

When I married my husband, I agreed that he would be the head of our home, that he is the imam of our home and I am under his leadership.

When entering marriage we are saying these things, not verbally (and sometimes verbally), but we know that with such a commitment there are things to be expected.

Every job has a boss, someone that makes the decisions and in our home our husband has the final say- he is in charge. May not be an easy pill to swallow, but alhamdulilah it is something that we must learn to submit to.

That does not mean we do not have a say in our homes and marriage, we can politely express our concerns and questions but the final say belongs to our husband. May Allah help us to respect that and be peaceful about it.

So subhanAllah it is incumbent upon us that we learn to be better co- pilots alhamdulilah, because sometimes we have the tendency to speak in a way that can insult our husband’s leadership and not trust that he is making good decisions for our family.

Once we have expressed our concerns, questions etc and our husband still goes in the direction he chooses for the family then just pray Allah is guiding him and opens our hearts and eyes to what is going on, because we may not understand why our husband is doing x, y,and z … if we were to understand it will help us to receive it better. Also simply asking our husbands what is the wisdom behind their decision will also help to clear up any confusion in the matter.

When attempting to understand the wisdom behind things it is important to know that wisdom is, (as my pilot taught me) to put things in their proper place and do things so well that it leaves no room for someone to say “why didn’t you do it this way instead?” or “don’t you think it would be better to do it this way?” As a co-pilot our job is to make sure we are gently helping and aiding our husbands to make wise decisions

When striving to advise our husbands it may be better to ask questions, not say “It’s better to do it this way!” “Do this, don’t do that!!” but it is better to say as a suggestion “Do you think it would work if we did it like this?” now we are showing him what we want and still giving him his right to make the final decision without being bossy.

So this reminds me of the hadith on the importance of being obedient especially when we may question it:

Anas bin Malik (radi Allahu anhu) reported from the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) that a man told his wife, as he was leaving his house, not to go out in his absence. Her father lived in the lower portion of the house and she lived in the upper portion. Her father fell ill so she sent a message and asked Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) what to do. He told her to obey her husband. Her father died, so she asked from the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) again regarding her case. He told her again to obey her husband. Then he (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) sent her a message saying, ‘Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) has forgiven your father due to your obedience of your husband.” [Mujamah]

Wow subhanAllah ..how many of us would have had a hard time listening to our husband in this situation? Some of us may have left any way, ignoring our husbands’ orders astagfirllah… but subhanAllah look how the father was rewarded due to his daughter’s obedience to her husband.

There is much blessings in listening to our husbands and being patient with their leadership.

Can we learn to better co-pilots? For the sake of healthy happy marriages and families we should! To please our Lord, we must!

Pure Matrimony

….Where Practice Makes Perfect

Article by-Aaila-The Muslim Family Magazine – brought to you by Pure Matrimony- www.purematrimony.com – The World’s Largest Matrimonial Service For Practising Muslims.

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