Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

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By Pure Matrimony -

Source : islamonline.net
Question :What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah?

Answer: Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah and we hate for the sake of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself: why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

In this context, we’d like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

“If we are speaking about the emotion which we call “love” then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden.”

Shedding more light on the issue in point we’d like to cite the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He states:

In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

Islam does not allow any illicit relationship between a man and a woman. Allaah has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire, and through marriage a man and woman form a family based on the laws of Allaah, and their children are legitimate. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. To have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter the level of interaction and involvement, is completely haraam!

Contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said:

“I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may leads to fitnah (temptation).

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh

The permissible ways to get the one whom you loves are sufficient i.e contact the wali or the guardian of the person whom you desire to marry, there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.

Source : islamonline.net

104 Comments to Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

  1. confusedMuslima

    I am a bit confused about the article…

    how one should find one’s life partner? most of my friends who were in a relationship in their uni life.. have got married to his/her girlfriend/boyfriend just after completion of bachelors degree. They are all very happy & also they have released their parents tension.

    But if they would follow Islamic rule…life would not be such simple. Most of the cases in arranged marriage, a partner is chosen according to parents/relatives decision; who is getting married has little to say about it. And also.. why should parents suffer such mental pressure ? I’ll be very happy if you kindly discuss how we can follow Islam within today’s society…

    • I think you should not take the societal norms as your guideline. There’s no reason for those couples you mention not to be happy: if they are compatible, and they can bear with incompatibility, they can be happy. However, that does not necessarily mean that their way of starting their relationship was right. Most of your friends got married to the person they had a relationship with in their university life-that’s good, I’m happy for them as they didn’t have to experience the bitterness of breaking up. However, most of my friends broke up with their partners they had in their university life. The amount does not point anything out, nor does it clarify anything. People can acquire nice things without considering Allah’s rules, this does not prove Allah’s rules wrong (حاشا). What you should consider as your base is the divine rules. A road that may lead to evil cannot be taken as a straight path, even if in some cases we see it didn’t. And yet, we can never be sure if it didn’t lead to evil: married-after-dating couples’ marriage could’ve been a better one if they had followed Allah’s rules properly. Even if the marriage were not to show any sign of of sadness/regret or to receive any punishment in this world, we believe any wrong doing will take its share on the Day of Judgment, don’t we?

      Islam makes our lives peaceful, but does not necessarily have to be simple, does it? We can’t say Hazrat Yasir and Hazrat Sumayya’s lives were simple, no, but they didn’t want it to be simple. What they wanted was “simple”: Allah’s permission… I don’t think it should be considered as mental pressure for the parent to find a good partner: our parents try so, so hard to give us the best of everything, starting from the day we were born. If they can try so hard to get us into the best universities just so they can see us happy, what could make them happier than seeing their children have happy marriage lives, which is in most cases more important than which university you go to?

      Also, http://www.zawaj.com/dating-in-islam-qa/ This might help your question about arranged marriage.

      Today’s society… It’s one hard thing to adapt to if you want to be a practising Muslim(and I am living in a supposedly 90% Muslim country), but if there’s anything that would collide with Islam, it’s better you left it, even though it means being a social outcast when it comes to that… Easy to say, hard to do? Yes, but the prize you’ll get will be accordingly to that. Oh, and, I am no official of this website, that I might need to point out.

      Whatever of the above is true, it is from Allah, and the rest is from me.


      • Amal Aalim

        That was a nice advice, I want to ask a question too
        My boyfriend is the one who will be my husband in a near future and is it okey in Islam if we have simple sex before our marriage??

        • Assalamu Alaikum sister,
          Islam prohibits interaction between the opposite genders. So having a relationship, let alone sexual intercourse, before marriage is forbidden. Sister, it is committing adultery and is punishable.And if you are sure to marry this brother, it is better for both of you to not put off your wedding for later but now, so that you don’t fall into zina.
          I urge you to please come out of this relationship and both of you repent to Allah.
          May Allah make it easy for you and guide you. Ameen!

        • salaam,

          I’m afraid you can’t do that. You both won’t be halal for each other the until the nikah is performed.
          It might be considered zina…

          Hope this helped!

        • najeeb chulliyan

          nope ..you cant do that ..coz u are not the one hu knows the future its allah and he only knows to whome u will be married

    • Subhanallah.

      I am 26 I am a practicing muslimah and know that BF/GF is haraam. I never entrained that life style. Allah blesses the marriage in which the means was permissible. You can not do something Harram in order to obtain hallal. I won the lottery to go to hajj? Uh nuh. doesnt work that way. You have to earn in a hallal manner in order to go to Hajj. Same with spouce you must follow the rules and regualtions to the T inorder to have a blessed happy successful marriage.

      I met my husband at work. I did not entrain any chit chat, and made it clear to him if you want marriage speak with my wali. If you just want to flirt then i am not that person. Alhamdulillah, he was also straight talking and asked for my hand via wali. I foudn out about him through people… not through him initially. I asked people who worked with him, his mosque etc. I asked around, and allowed my wali to interact with him. This is the proper way. After my wali was pleased we were allowed to meet and sit and talk WITH my wali. and we had numerous meetings like this. We had meetings indoors , out doors in different environments and situations. A year later we were both happy and pelased with one another in deen, character. So we got married in the halal way nikkah and month later walima.

      So you can get married the permissible way and Allah bless it. Or follow the harram way and live in a marriage full of fitna and not blessed.

      • p.s i Live in the UK in a town with no muslims. I thought there was no hope for me. but Allah is the best of planners. Just put your trust in him and do things the halal way.

        • I am a 24 year old girl and I like a guy , want to do things halal way cause I am a Muslim girl and so he is he , problem is he is divorced and has 6 kids from a previous marriage and he is 37, I have noted all this and have looked past it and see myself being happy with him and completing half my deen. However I bought this forward to my parents and they are not agreeing to meet him or giving him a chance , they are telling me …without my mothers blessing it will be doomed and she will never accept a man with 6 kids and 37 years of age . His children live with the mother and the elderly 3 are all grown up can support themselves and there mother can support them to . I tried explaining this to my parents . They are talking about disowning me if I want to marry this guy . I have noted everything and I am happy to marry this guy and live my life according to Islam but my parents won’t agree and I don’t want to hurt them . Any advice ??? Thank you .

          • Arfa Jamal

            Sister, I would suggest you ask the Imam to have a word with your family and to perhaps try and get your family to meet him first. If however your family put their foot down and don’t help you, there’s not much you can do as you need the permission of your wali to get married.

      • If the person interested only spoke to the wali then how would he get to know the person before deciding on marriage ? How is he to know that she is compatible with him in terms of beliefs, habits, interests etc or whether there’s any attraction between the two ?

        • Pure Matrimony_7

          Assalamu Alaikum brother,

          You can talk with the girl as long as it is in the presence of her wali. You cannot talk with her alone since the Prophet (SAW) said, “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third” (Sahih Bukhari).
          Allah Knows best.

      • Abu Marwan

        Some actions that we do set best examples that guide others. Sister hear you just did what every Muslim must do. May Allah bless you.

    • Anonymous

      Sister boy friend/girlfriend relationships are not blessed even after marriage.It leads to zina

  2. to PM,
    please help me to enlighten my mind..
    i have a problem and i seek guidance.. where i could send you my mail?

  3. Salam alykomm. ana orid än as2al ! Hål.momken än ära ro2yard. Wala än sa7yen We shway gebet 3än wa3ey be saydna Mohammad????

  4. am a bit confuse what extactly do you mean by haram conversations mentioned in the second to the last paragraph of this article

    • Talking about feelings, saying i love you, i miss you, i want to be with you etc etc etc etc. Arrows of Shiytan.

      Leave those words until you are halal for one another after nikkah do and say as you please. But it is not permissible to talk “lustfully”. Before marriage you are to be critical in your approach, clear headed, yes you develop feelings and yes you may miss that person. But that person is STILL a STRANGER. So you should not be teling a stranger your inner most feelings as if things do not work out you would of humilated yourself, made yourself weak and shiytan would of made you fall into sin. Be strong, clear headed, speak critically, constructive conversations. Do not have fone calls alone. Arrange to have a wali in the room, or one speaker fone, if talking on skype or msn make sure wali is present, someone to read texts and emails. And make that clear to the one seeking your hand.

  5. I was just wondering. Would it be permissible to go up to the person you want to marry and ask for her wali’s contact details? I mean if we don’t know her wali, how do we let them our intentions in the first place?

  6. I want to get married through my parents, but we haven’t been able to find an appropriate match. In this waiting game, i am over-aged. I am now trying to mingle with males in a social gatherings where there are both males and females. this atleast will allow me to know that there are some singles out there. i have tried through masjid, and other halal means, but sorry, no one helps. so what are we suppose to do. i just met a guy at a social event, and of everyone there, he offered salat because it was time. i am not fascinated by his outer looks, but the fact that he came across as humble and offered salat, i like to get to know more about him and approach him for marriage. is this wrong to do? I cant tell my parents to approach him as they have never met, and its so embarrasing for both parties to randomly reach out to a guy and say, my daughter met you somewhere and thinks you could be a good match, so would you consider our daughter……I think its okay to approach myself, as long as i dont start romance with him before marriage.

    • Assalamu Alaikum sister,

      It is best that you ask your parents to approach the person, because that way you stay within the limits of Islam. The Prophet (SAW) said, “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third” (Sahih Bukhari). Your intention might be sincere, but shaytan is always there to cause fitnah. And to quote the article “As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing”.
      Please check this link too http://islamqa.info/en/ref/93450/talking%20before%20marriage
      Allah Knows best.

  7. It is said in the article that mingling between people of the opposite sex is forbidden….
    but the problem is that in today’s world, this is simply unavoidable. In Universities, schools, place of work…. there is bound to be interaction between the two..
    What should be done in this case?

    • Pure Matrimony_7

      Assalamu Alaikum,

      We hope you are in good health and Iman.

      The article states that ‘indiscriminate’ mingling and mixing as well as ‘isolating’ oneself with the opposite sex is haraam.
      In situations where one has to interact with the opposite sex, like at work or universities, the interaction must be kept to the minimal where only the very essential needs to be discussed and nothing more. One should also adhere to the Islamic guidelines by lowering the gaze and not shaking hands with a non-mahram mam or woman.
      Allah knows best.

      • Sharon R. Simmons

        I agree totally , it’ all about pleasing Allah and being happy
        And obeying Allah. I am engaged to a wonderful man . Who
        Is Muslims and I will be converting over to. Islamic before we marry.
        I am seeking Islamic teaching and beliefs own. My own . Because I desire
        To be one with Allah and my husband to be .

  8. catherine taganile

    im a christian…i hv been in a relationship with a muslim guy. after adays i decided to be a muslim coz i want to hv new life…i admit its hard to adjust the things….bt i am trying to avoid haram things. then..i gt hurt wn my bf told me he wl leave…bt now i realized wht he told me….while readinh this articles i am so happy though someone left me…bt in a right way…

  9. Islam doesn’t allow you to live in a free society…….However, if you have fallen in love and there is nothing under control, the best way to avoid fitna is to marry her/his without wasting any more time.

    • You said that the best way to avoid fit a is to get married right away without waisting any more time, but if you do, would you marriage be bless by Allah ?

  10. Masha Allah, JazakallAh Khair. This post is the truth insha Allah. We should trust Allah and run away from Shaytan. Some youth think that if there’s no love (courtship) before marriage a couple will be like strangers to each other after marriage in their home. What about marrying each other according to Islamic regulations and then falling in love? May Allah save us from evil that’s spread through hollywood, bollywood, nollywood and kaniwood, Ameen.

  11. I don’t know what to do a man told me he loved me and he will always wait for me however I have no feelings towards him and want to marry someone my parents choose for me and thats what i told the guy now everybody is telling me to marry this man because he loves me a lot and is making himself ill now he’s stopped eating and talking to everyone however I don’t know if he really loves me or not as if he really did love me wouldn’t he have asked my parents first?

  12. Salam,
    I’m a muslim girl, 15 years old..and i need some advice and help please..
    One of my friends (a girl) told me that her guyfriend who is our classmate loves me..
    (noticing that i never talk to boys… only my cousins)
    so.. i first refused telling if i loved him to or not..(I did think that he is a nice guy but never told anyone) but my friend insisted on giving my reply about my felling towards him. so i admitied liked him… but I said that there is no use of letting him know.. because I’ll not talk to him or meet him.. Again my friend convinced me that there is nothing wrong with chatting with him so we can know each other… sadly i agreed..(I regret that aloooooot)
    after feelling guilty i told my mother about him and she asked me to stop chating with him.. and I did
    But I’m afraid … I’m afraid that Allah won’t forgive me.. or that someone might know… or that I would be weak and talk to him again…
    pleeease I need advice

    thank you

    • Assalamu Alaikum sister,

      The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “I swear by Him in whose hand is my soul, if you were a people who did not commit sin, Allah would take you away and replace you with a people who would sin and then seek Allah’s forgiveness so He could forgive them.” [Sahīh Muslim (2687)]

      The fact that you realized what you did was wrong and got out of it is a big step by itself. Many people dont have the will power to that. so kuddos to you 🙂

      Dont be afraid of asking forgiveness from Allah, because He loves it as is stated in various of the Quran like this one:
      And verily, I am indeed Forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them, (till his death). [Ta-Ha 20:82]

      We are nearing the last ten days of Ramadan, and one of the duas that has been recommended by the Prophet is :
      اللْهُمَّ إِنَّكَ عَفُوٌّ تُحِبُّ الْعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّي
      O Allah, You are pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.(Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and Tirmidhi)

      Ask lots of istighfar and don’t be afraid of repentance.

      Allah Knows best.

  13. salamualaikum. wow this is wonderful. in fact this is the very situation i found myself in at present. a muslim brother is working at my place of work and i admire him so much because of his religion n i really like him. i thought it was sin to like someone. interestingly both of us are seeking halal marriage. but how do i approach this guy since i can’t talk to him in that way and hardly looks at his face. i feel uncomfortable whenever he is around because i feel love for him deep down my heart. this guy is so simple and 80percent of what i’m looking for in a potential spouse. how do i face him or let him know i want him to marry me? my walis are christians and i’m the only muslim in my family. my parents were muslims and so was my guardian. but they are all dead now. my sisters are all Christians and my foster parents. as a matter of fact i live alone and i really want to get married. i overheard this guy saying that he really wants to get married by early next year. what am i to do in this situation? i am currently praying on this matter and asking Allah to see me thru. please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need advice because it’s really hard to be in this part of the world without parents.

    • Assalam o Alaikum
      Sister Ayesha,
      You can seek help of local imam of mosque or their family to be wali from your side.

  14. I don’t know I like him or not but I try to see him I know that’s wrong I regret doing it … I m not pleased by his Islamic deeds or character but somewhere impressed by his compliments and honey talks he do which again I agree is wrong
    I don’t reveal any emotion of mine I avoid him every time he’s there try to be rude but at school get together I was watching him a lot coंz he was doing much funny things now pls help me to repent and how to avoid this guy

  15. Very very nice………..islam clear all things so easily,we just need to faith & follow them , if every muslim follow islam rules regulation faithfully there is no chance of sin.mashallah nice post.

  16. Assalamo alaikum….

    I like the topic…thanks for rising this topic.. anyway nowaday gf/bf is common in today generation… sad to say that some gf/bf relation they failed to maintain there relation due to some issues (family,life status) and they ended up broken.family issues like the girl family don’t like the girl/boy because she/he is poor or she/he revert islam or what so ever…some end up broken because the man cannot afford to give the mahar that the girl family asked..some is due to pride…now in this issue what the boy/girl do to get the permission of the girl wali? The man is revert and the woman is pure…the wali rise the issue that the man is revert and thy dont like it…

  17. assalamalikum…i met my boyfrnd 1 year ago and we both love each other and want to get married soon….but i am scared to tell my parents about him what if they get hurted….his famly membrs are ready to talk to my parents but i am scared to tell my parents…can you please advise me how should i approch my mother telling abt him in a way that she understand me insted of getting hurted….plz reply

    • Wa Alaikum Salam sister,

      It is really nice to hear that you don’t want to hurt your parent’s feeling. Alamdulillah for that!
      Now for the answer,first off, mingling with the opposite sex and having a relationship is absolutely not allowed in Islam and is punishable.
      You might have heard that the brother is of good character and is virtuous and might have fallen for that and hence want to get married. That is alright.
      But what is not allowed is to keep in contact with the brother, chatting, exchanging mails etc. and without the knowledge of the parents.
      I would suggest that you cut all correspondence with the brother and protect both of you from a haraam relationship. Let the brother and his parents contact your wali (here, your parents) and ask them for your hand in marriage directly. That will be better for both of you inshallah.

      And Allah Knows best

  18. Salam
    i am in a relationship wt a muslim guy…and this wil b d first relationship am into,he used to cum to my place and xame to mi..lemme say we love ourselve.
    He once told mi he wanna av sex wit mi…but i refuse simply bcos i knw is a Sin…xo recently i feel i dont love him again bcos he do disturb mi dat he wannna see mi cos i refuse to see him just bcose am gettin to undastand dat wat av been doin all this well is Haram..the proble is how am goin to tell him am not intersted again and dnt wanna involve in a relationship again til wen am ready..am afraid of Hurtin him…we av been togeda for like 3yrs nw….pls i nid your advice plsss

    • Assalamu Alaikum sister,

      Alhamdulillah that you have come to realize that what you are doing is wrong. Many wouldn’t but Allah has guided you.
      Be open and honest with the brother and when you talk with him make sure to focus on how the relationship is Haraam instead of making him feel its his fault. And once you have conveyed what you have to say, please remain steadfast in your decision and dont waver and go back to him. You are doing this for Allah’s sake so you need to fear Him more than hurting the brother.
      Shaitan might try to get you back to with him, but please make a lot of tauba and get close with Allah through prayer and reciting the Quran.
      May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for your efforts. And may He grant you a righteous spouse. Ameen!

  19. Assalamu Alaikum, I have a question. I like this boy and he likes me. We talk together on Facebook a lot. We are cousins and we are probably getting married. My parents sometimes joke about us getting married. Is us talking together on Facebook haram? He says he loves me a lot but I have never said it? What should I do? I am worried that it is very haram. Please help.
    Thank You

    • Wa alaikum salam sister,
      Any relationship outside the sanctity of marriage with a non-mahram man is Haraam, even if the person is your fiance. it doesn’t matter whether you are talking with each other or just chatting. I would advise you to please stop chatting with this brother and ask for repentance from Allah. It better to stop now than to continue and have regrets, because when a man and woman are alone, the third is Shaitan.
      May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

  20. Hello,
    I am almost engaged with this boy. We are just waiting because we are both young. Our parents both know and we are just waiting to get engaged when we are older. Is it haram if we talk and text, etc.
    Jazak Al Khair

  21. I need some advice I have been in a relationship for over a year.
    My partner and I are on this journey of becoming righteous people. We are both reading the Quran and are likely to become Muslim. Inshallah .
    We both understand it is haram to date in Islam but we both feel confused and I feel very worried that we will go to hell. We have very strong feelings for eachother. I understand we didn’t enter this relationship pure i.e we weren’t righteous people back then, the whole no sex before marriage etc.
    Our relationship is beneficial, we talk about life, Islam etc …… no no sense .
    What do we do ? HELP.

    • I also forgot to mention I feel we are being tested so much by Allah since we started reading the Quran. Should we marry even though we aren’t muslim yet ? Will our marriage/relationship be classed as haram?

  22. Assalamualykum. I have a question. Recently I have met this person online and face to face twice. We both like eachother and have gone to our families about taking the next step. Before he said that he could have a small wedding in April but he wants to get travelling out the way(as he thinks when he marrys me he won’t have the channce-as it will be time to start a family) and so now wants to get married next year august-which is a years time. I don’t mind waiting a year for him if we are able to get an engagement done before then. My question is: Is it permissable to have an engagement say this year, and then august 2015 have a wedding ceremony. ? He wants to have enough to get married for expenses. I really like him as there are feelings there and dont really want to start the search again for a groom and dont know if my feelings will go away if I find someone new. I know youngsters these days have long engagement so wondered islamically if thats ok. Really dont know what to do. My concern is:what if my family dont want to wait that long for me to get married. ? They’d rather just get the ball rolling.

  23. Salaam !
    I wanted to ask that i actually loved a person first time in my life . I know this is haram but it happened he is quite elder than me as 7 or eight years but that dont matter becoz he was a intern at a institution i was preparing for my pre medical test and now its over i am not going more and he is also no more there .
    First i thought it is just a crush i will forget but i still love him thinking of him most of the time like i used to make dua for his happinesses for his career . So my exact question is “IS THIS REALLY HARAM TO THINK A PERSON OR PRAY FOR HIM WHO IS NOT A MEHRAM ?

  24. Nafith Rasmi

    aslamualaikum.i amso happy, because my friends told me that the love is haram in islam.but I read your webpage .it says love is not opposite to islam .so.i am happy about that issue

  25. peace be unto you.i’m a girl of 18yrs, i’m very determined to go to higher instute but dew to financial problem i was unable. so now i made up my mind to get married but don’t know how to explain to my parents, already a guy has send his guardian but my dad seems not to accept their proposal. what can i do? please i need advice.

  26. Assalamuwalaikum,

    Am 20 years old . I am in love with a girl since 4 years. But now aftr hearing many stories and khutbah, i’m afraid to be in relation. May allah forgive me, we had spend night twice but not had sex.

    So my question is, should i stop in relation with her aftr all these stage ? I cant let her cry because she might think am a cheater or fraud who used to her.

    But honestly i still do love her. But am confused whethr to continue in relation or to stop it from now.. My frndz knw abt my relation and askd me to stop it because it may create trouble later. But i dont think such would happen. And my family doesnt knw abt my relation .

    I tried to stop a month ago, but the very next day i couldnt hold it anymore … But now i need a true path or to know what step i should take further in my life..
    And this made me message to you.

    I hope u understand my situation.
    If any questions u wud like to ask please help me out.
    I need to love her in a straight path if it is yes,

    Muslim Boy
    Assalamu walaikum

    • Wa alaikum salam wa rahmathullahi wa barkathuhu,

      First off, All praise is due to Allah Who made you realize that what you were doing is wrong. It’s good to hear that you are trying to rectify your mistake. Akhi, I would suggest that you explain to this sister why it’s wrong to continue this relationship in the sight Allah and then end it there.
      Make a lot of istighfar and dua to Allah to keep your Iman and will strong.
      You can do it the halal way by approaching her parents and asking her hand in marriage. Do pray Istikhara and if its good for you in this world and the next inshallah it will happen.

      May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen

  27. This posting was very helpful. I am Christian and did not do my research on Muslim rules thoroughly enough. I was convinced that a “temporary marriage” was ok, but I was wrong. I don’t understand why this Muslim man is allowed 35+ sexual partners in temporary marriages, but freaked out when I said I loved him after months and months into our relationship. Interfaith relationships should be avoided at all costs. And yes, I have repented and will never commit this sin again. I will never understand the reasoning behind such a strong divide in how the Islamic faith is followed. How can his parents match him with a virgin that has followed Allah’s rules while he has not?

  28. I am a 24 year old looking to get married. I have never been interested in boys and relationships and have always focused on my education. Now that I am comfortably working, my family are looking for a suitable match. But the problem is that having a master’s degree, the expectation of my family’s views on what a suitable guy for me has increased. And there is a disagreement with what I am looking for in a match compared to what my family is looking for. I have never really interacted with guys so I am sort of confused on the best islamic way of finding a suitable person. Do I continue to see what kind of guy my family choose, or do I find someone myself?

    • Assalammu Alaikum sister,

      The brother can ask the sister for her wali’s number since that is the only way to know. But he should limit himself to just that and have the rest of the conversation with her wali.

  29. jkjkliouse

    I’m at age ready for marriage. I have a white non muslim bf who does not believe in god, but he wants a life with me. His read three Koran books, agreed to raise the children as a Muslim, agreed to give up alcohol and pork, but he refuses to convert to islam! I have tried to get him to read and understand to convert. What else to do? His has a similar personality, good well paid job, from a good family background and values family life.
    My only concern is that I want a muslim husband/ convert, and to enter marriage correctly. I’m not comfortable with not doing it correctly, and its straining us from going forward. I have to say this guy is so much better than some born up Muslim boys. I know his going to propose, but this issue is what’s holding up. I have broken up the relationship three times over this issue, and we got together again but my heart feel heartless without him seriously its depressing. Please help!

    • Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Sister , I pray you are in best health and eemaan aameen . Your situation definitely needs assistance from a Shaykh or Imam or a Muslim Counselor so kindly contact them .

      Firstly we would like to tell you that when looking for a spouse , the Righteousness and Eemaan of the person should be the first criteria that should impress you . This means their commitment towards our religion Islam . The rest such as a well paid job , family background etc comes later . Your deduction of this person being better than Muslim brothers can be wrong . As indeed there are many good practicing brothers out there with the best of characters .

      Secondly and most importantly it is indeed a major sin to be speaking to a non-mahram . You need to stop it immediately. You will definitely need to sincerely repent and never commit this sin again and involve your wali and family is searching for a good Muslim spouse for you.

      Thirdly , The person you mentioned here has read Quran the words of Allah ‘THRICE’ and yet rejected to accept Islam . Indeed Allah guides whom He wills , However when the hearts are sealed no one but Allah can open it up for him . There is indeed wisdom of Allah for allowing only Muslim men to accept people of the books as wives but Muslim women do not have that option , yet it is important to believe in Allah as the Only God and Muhammad sallAllahu alaihi wassalam as His Messenger . However you must by all means contact a masjid to give him dawah and not do it yourself . If he does not revert to Islam he is prohibited as a spouse for you .

      Finally , Repent to Allah with sincerity and Involve your family in searching a spouse for you .

  30. Assalmo alaikum…..
    I love someone. I’m 24 yrs.. I want to marry her.. Her mom and dad are both agreed ..I also told to my mother. she is also agreed..but my study still not finished. That’s why i can’t getting into marriage..i previously meet with her few times. But now i stoped to meet with her, as before marriage it is not allowed in islam..Every time give her dawa towards sunnah and quran..she really loves me and me too., She follows my words…we talk only in phone..And if i knew, before falling in love, pre marital love is not allowed, then i never involved in this relationship..I’m very afraid, as we commiting a major sin..please help me, can i even talk to her in phone??
    and if it is yes, then how should I?? ” I love you sona” these words , she loves most to hear from me..Can’t i say to her, these words???

    • Wa Alaikum salam brother,

      Since you already know that pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam it shouldn’t be difficult for you to understand that even talking isnt allowed. When a man and woman are alone the third is the shaitan. Even if two of you are talking through phone shaitan will always be there to mislead both of you. Saying terms of endearments before marriage too is forbidden.
      Alhamdulillah both your parents have agreed to the marriage. Brother if you feel you cant keep your feelings under check its better for you to marry than fall into Haram. And when it comes to ‘teaching’ her about Islam I would suggest she attends classes by sisters instead of you conveying it to her. Many things have happened in people’s life that completely go against Islam just by a man and woman interacting alone to ‘learn’ about Islam.
      Lastly, do repent to Allah sincerely.

  31. Abdul rahman

    Assalamu alaikum. Pls can i propose to a girl of an age equivalent to mine in an early stage without committing any type of zina with her before marrying her.

  32. Assalmo alaikum
    I belong to a muslim pakistani family. a year back i met a christian White guy who helped me through a very hard situation i was dealing with at the time. Long story short we fell in love. I am 24 and he is 26. I told him that i cannot marry him because i am muslim and he is christian so we have no future in response to that he offered he will revert for me. But i said to him i do not want him to revert for me I only want him to accept islam and its rules if he wants to from his heart. So he started looking up and started reading about Islam and later started reading Quran with translation as it holds all the answers to all our questions. During this process my parents found out and told me that if i want to be with him then i should leave my family. Its been a year now and the guy is reverting this month and is doing it purely because he wants to from his heart. I have told my mother and have told her the guy wants to come to my house with his parents for a proper proposal and wants to marry me but my parents are still not agreeing as they are worried about what others will say. they also think its a wrong decision and I fail to understand how this is a wrong decision only because he does not belong to our community? But Islam says not to differentiate each other based on colour. Allah knows best He may even prove to be a better muslim than any of us and i pray that he does. Now I am in a situation where I wish to marry this guy and my parents dont want me to and i do not want to disobey them either. My mum says live for others but I do not understand who are these others she wishes me to live for because Islamicaly our lives should only be devoted to Allah. I don’t know what to do anymore which is why i am seeking help here I really do hope you can advise me better. Allah knows what is in my heart and after all this if i listen to my parents and in future they ask me to marry someone else they think is suitable for me I know i will not be able to love him with my heart which i think will be not fair on the other guy.

  33. Salaam Alaikum I have converted to Islam totally for Allah after reacquainted with an ole boyfriend who’s now incarcerated. He proposed we do chat via phone calls and e-mail. You are so right that satan be the third person when the two non married people are alone honestly we started inappropriate phone conversations for a few months but stop quickly after we both felt as though its forbidden. We love ea other but sometimes I feel like people have their own interpretations on the Holy Qur’an. He justifies things as if we’re currently married but we’re not! After a whole year we’ve been so in love but lately we have been bumping heads on simple things. I don’t want to hurt him though I main purpose is to be pleasing to Allah not man. My question is how can I tell him this road we was on isn’t good for our Emann. He been a Muslim before me but my biggest thing is we should be religious all around the board not in only the areas he see fit. Inshallah everything will work for the good of Allah… Be Blessed

  34. I wish to marry a muslim girl who doesnt pray to jesus , doesnt regard him as son of god, believes in one god,
    but my parents opposing me to marry what shall i do
    me and her have made many plans and in every way she welcomes islamic way of life also wish to grow the childrens as muslims
    how do i convince my parents when they dont want to listen

    • سليمنً

      asalamu alaika brother you just need 2 be patient nd u cn do istikara ask for ALLAH’s
      guidance bceause he is the best knowner of all things

  35. salamualaekum..please am already in a relationship with a Muslim devoted guy..we have been dating for the past two years without any sexual relationship but romance. To talk about marriage is not the next thing for us because am still in school and he just finished school too. I think i have committed a great sin. I don’t know what next to do.

  36. asalamuallikum
    I am a 18 year old girl…and I have been in a relationship with a guy from past 3 years …I don’t know how I started liking him…but seriously now I am deeply in love with him…presently me and my boyfried are not at the same place ..I came to a place far away from my home to study and I am going to complete it after 2 years…
    me and my boyfriend are intended to get married and we don’t want to be in a haram relationship anymore but we are young enough and my dad will not allow me to marry him because he is not settled yet and neither I am .he will simply refuse and probably will never let me marry him…so please help me…. I want an answer …please helpp!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Walaikum salaam. The first thing to remember is that no relationship which is haram can ever have any benefit or any good in it. You both need to seek sincere forgiveness from Allah and rectify your intentions and remember that there is no blessing in anything that is haram. The foundation for a good marriage starts with obedience to Allah first and foremost, and if you both want to marry and your father is stopping you, it will most likely encourage you to fall back into haram again. Make sincere dua to Allah to help you rectify the situation and then do your istikhara and go and speak to an imaam or Sheikh who can advise your father and see what happens. If your father won’t listen to you, he will listen to the Sheikh. Thereafter, you have to be patient and place your trust in Allah. If being married is good for you, then Allah will make it easy for you. If not, you will find a lot of difficulties – and this is a sign that its not good for you. Whatever the outcome, you have to be ready to accept it, because when you do istikhara, you are consulting with Allah SWT and asking Him who created you what’s best for you. May Allah make it easy for you ameen

  37. As-salaamu alaykum warahmatullah, please is it permissible for a boy/girl that have been in a courtship for like 4yrs but if they should repent and realized that what they have doing is wrong, that is, purify their intentions, can they make things right and still marry each other?
    Please help it’s very important to my life!!!!!

  38. Islam doesnt allow man to approach a girl. If prophet Muhammad turned the head of a guy because he was in love with a girl. who knows if that guys love was pure? and it could lead both of them to great happiness and success. what if that was going to happen then tell me u all muslims do you have an answer for that?

    I had a trouble while a approaching girl in muslim society. could have been beaten down to death one day just because i wanted to approach a girl who looked into my eyes deeply and i could see that she liked me too.. guys wanted to kill me but i got a warning. but in western countries the girls have their freedom and their rights. they ask me out alot of times in public.look at the difference between muslim society and western society. Islam is making me sad. really.

    • @Cake Islam doesnt Disappoint anyone. Islam is the religion of peace. Perform Istekhara and Call Allah when u r in trouble or in confused situations through Prayers. Indeed Allah knows what is better for His creatures. U should have more Sabr. Islam has one rule throughout the world either it may be east or west. U dont have to be upset with Islam, it may be something that may be your way of approach was not correct, u may try some other way of approach which will prove u are able of marrying the girl before her family.

  39. Assalamu alaikum. I am really confused about it. What if the person wants to take you to an open place to probably talk to you about his intention and there is no wali around? Is it still wrong?

  40. Asalam Alaykum,

    My story is complicated but I’ll keep it short. A while back, I was a non Muslim. I met this girl and we texted. After getting to know the other we fell in love. It was not based off of looks as we never met in person, but strictly off of character. Recently, I became a Muslim. We both believe corespondence was haram. However we both want marriage. The issue is we are both from different countries and I cannot ask her wali yet. We have planned that I travel in 5 years after her uni, and I ask her wali then. But I fear they will reject me because of our haram beginning. What do I do? Please help!

  41. Assslmoilkum
    I’m 24 year old boy I’m Muslim I fall in love with 40 year woman because she is Non Muslim but she wants to Accepted Islam. And she tell me marry me….may I can?

    • Walaikum salaam warahmatullah, please ensure that the sister in question converts properly to Islam and understands what is required of our deen before you make the decision to marry. Please help direct her to a local imam who will be able to advise the sister in all matters of the deen. Please also ensure you do your istkihara before making any decision to marry also. Jzk

  42. Assalamu Alaikum
    I have a doubt here. Women are supposed to cover their faces and not reveal it in front of the other men. So how will a guy marry any girl ? How will he fall in love with someone he has never seen ? At least in today’s world, no one wants to marry someone he has never seen or does not know her. Also, he wants her to be pretty. What’s the deal here ? Please answer

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      Niqaab is NOT fard – the Quran specifically mentions for everything except the hands and the face to be covered. Even in the case of someone wanting to wear a niqaab, when someone comes for your proposal, Islam gives the permission for a man to see a woman’s face.

  43. Tarikun Nesa

    I want to know that if i’m in a relationship from previous some year then i have to do break up with that person . .is Islam saying that?

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      Islam doesn’t permit having a romantic/intimate relationship with anyone who isn’t our spouse. Loving someone is not the problem – it’s taking action other than marriage which is haram

  44. Allah! You hear my words, You behold my situation, You know what is open and what is hidden within me; nothing is hidden from You. It is me alone who is in need, a humble seeker of Your forgiveness. I beseech You with humility in my heart, with trembling and fear, in prostration and utter helplessness.

    O Allah! Grant me soundness of belief, goodness of character, forgiveness of my sins, and Your eternal pleasure in the Hereafter.

    May Allah’s blessings be upon Muhammad ( S.A.W) and his family and Companions.

  45. I am a 22-year-old girl. I used to like a boy in University but never went into a haraam relationship with. But he lied to me about liking me. He has done things like flirting around with my sister but later he said he realized his mistake and also wanted to marry me. But I never gave him a chance as I always had the thought that he cheated me. Now, I am engaged to another person who I do not know if I like. I am not able to trust Men because of the previous experience. It is an arrange marriage setting where I said YES because he is pious, very caring, takes care of his family, good-looking and I believed Allah will decide best for me. Also, my parents liked him a lot. We do talk on messaging, but I am very reluctant to talk to him over text messaging and open up to him about my life right now when we are only engaged and not married & also I have trust issues. Also, I am not a big fan of opening up to someone who I will marry on text messaging and my fiance likes to text me and talk to me as it a long distance relationship. We cannot get married right now because I have to complete my studies. A courtship period for a year & then we shall get married InshaAllah. Please guide me through this situation. My head is in a mess.

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      Sister, we understand this is difficult for you, and will insha’Allah advise you as best we can. Firstly, if the brother you are about to marry is pious and caring, then this is a good sign he will treat you right. Second, try and avoid speaking to the brother without the presence of a wali – if the brother is as pious as you say he is, then he will not mind. Third, please do your istikhara. Fourth, remember that one bad experience doesn’t mean everyone else is bad. You made a bad decision with the boy you used to like and he proved himself untrustworthy. Fifth, do NOT share your past with your future spouse because it can negatively impact your relationship with him in the future… Instead, concentrate on your FUTURE and your fiancee has no right to ask about your past UNLESS it is going to directly impact him in anyway in your marriage. If you had a relationship with the first guy (we are not saying you did), make sincere tauba and ask Allah to guide you to what is best. Lastly sister, you are doing the right thing in placing your trust with Allah and knowing He will do the right thing for you. Keep firm on that and may Allah SWT ease your affairs ameen.

  46. ..good day..

    Im a single mom..
    It is acceptable to a muslim man that he have a gf with a daughter..or its not good..,please help me….

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      It’s not permissible for a Muslim to have a relationship with anyone other than their spouse.

  47. Sheriff Haidara

    Salamu Alaykum. I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to all those who spent their monumental times on writing this tantalizing and educative well-articulated article which consists of many things that convey important information on marriage. next, to that, it would be highly appreciated if someone could elaborate on the conclusion of this article which says in my own interpretation as following ” İf someone falls in love with an individual then it is better for a person to consult the girl’s vali first” my question here is, does this mean that if we fall in love with someone whom we want to marry we should first get in contact with her parents without letting her know? I would like to hear from all of those who can clear doubt from my mind. Thanks

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      The best way forward really is to send a proposal through her wali – that is the most correct way forward. You may wish to let the sister know through a friend because you want to try and avoid the fitnah of meeting up with her beforehand. And Allah knows best.

  48. .Iam muslim she is also muslim and my family are muslim and her family also muslim. I were friend at her 2 years in school then after 2 year she started to hate me.then I left school.because I got job. Can I meet her or try to get her without forcing her by doing some plan if she hates me i didn’t propose her in islam.

    • Pure Matrimony Admin

      We don’t really recommend it unless you are meeting for the purpose of marriage and even then your family needs to be involved jzk

  49. Syeda S.H.Hamadani

    AsalamoAlaikum , I fell in love with the personality of a guy , Seen his pic but I never met him in real just seen him on the internet , he is religious too but the problem is I don’t want him to know that I admire him , I want Allah to guide him towards me, I make dua everyday for his guidance to Allah and my own guidance , the only way I can contact him is via internet but I don’t want to get involved in a chat session with him, what is he didn’t reply, what if he replayed but his reply made me fall in sin to chat with him more and follow the Shaitan ? I fear that my sins will make me guilty in the eyes of Allah, so I just make dua for him everyday and I have never messaged him about this, can my faith be written with him or will I ever get him by my DuasDuas please reply soon.

  50. Assalamu Alaikum, my name is hana , im 19 yrs old. I’m in a relationship with a boy nearly four yrs.At first we chat and spoke everyday but now we stopped everything as we have many things to be fulfilled in our studies and life. Though we does not have contacts still we love each other and have hopes to get married in future insha allah . What i want to know is that , is this kind of our love is haram o halal ? Is it allowed to have love with a person in this way ? Wont we get the blessings of allah. ?

  51. Assalaamualaikum,
    MashaAllah… this is simple, very good.
    How about this? In the past there is a good man likes me. We like each other. But, when I tell my parents about him… qadarullah my parents refuse this man. Then he marry another girl. I was very shocked and sad also. I have tried my best to forget him. After several months his wife comes to me. And she offered her husband to me (I know her husband told her to do it). Yes I like him very much, but I know my parents will not let me to be his second wife. Then I refuse it myself. And I feel very sad until now. What can I do? I really need advices.

  52. Faaizah Ismail Hamis

    salaam, my name is faaizah am an african muslim. am just 18 years old and i want to get married by the age of 20. i am in love with this person, his 28. i love him for the sake of Allah, his religious and abide to islamic laws. nothing haram is happening between us. i haven’t told him yet how i feel. i want him to make the first move and ask my fathers if he could marry me. what should i do?

  53. Nighat Sarfaraz

    Aoa! I want to share my problem. Actually I love someone and want to marry him, he from india and work as actor. We both nicely talk and keep in touch. I really deeply falling love with him. is it right if I pray to Allah for him? As I am a girl it is very difficult for me to propose to him, can you tell me some dua or wazeefa to inculcate the feelings of love for me in his heart and urge to marry me. Please help… JazakAllah


    assalamu alaikum,


  55. muslim ummah

    may allah guide us all…i am teenager,and i was having a boyfriend..we loved each other very much…but my parents restricted me from this .finally i studied deeply about this..and i repent to allah ,but i cannot stop myself loving him..but i can issue one thing that moreover i will not contact him anymore. in my future i would like to have him and i am praying for his and my guidness …is this halaal or haraam …i used to read my salah and does the good deeds .. will i be punished hereafter for this WISH ? is this HALAAl or HARAAM..i need a good advice please…

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