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Umbhali: Muslim ekahle
Umthombo: idealmuslimah.com
Ngokuvamile imishado iqala kahle kakhulu. Everyone cooperates – the couple, abazali babo, ezinye izihlobo, abangani. Izinto zivame ukuhamba kahle.
Kodwa endaweni ethile endleleni, izingxabano zomshado ziyavela. This is of course natural, kodwa lezi zingakhuphukela emazingeni ayingozi uma zingaphathwa ngendlela efanele.
1. Imali
Imibhangqwana iphikisana ngezinto eziningi kodwa imali ingenye yezinto ezivame kakhulu futhi ezibucayi. Isixazululo ukuxoxisana ngokukhululekile nokubonisana phakathi komndeni.
Ngokwesibonelo, indaba yowesifazane osebenza ngaphandle kwekhaya ingaba ingxabano. Lokhu kufanele kuxoxwe ngakho ngaphambi komshado. Futhi, uma enquma ukusebenza nendoda iyavuma, ingabe ufuna ukunikela ngengxenye ethile ezindlekweni zasekhaya noma uzozigcinela yonke leyo mali (okuyilungelo lakhe)?
Enye yezindlela zokugwema izingxabano ngemali ukwenza ibhajethi elula elandelela izindleko, imali engenayo, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities.
Futhi, funda ukwenza ibhajethi nokubhekana nezikweletu. Uma ungumfundi osemusha, khumbula ukuthi kufanele ukhokhe imali mboleko yabafundi. Kufanele futhi wazi ukuthi ungayithola kuphi imalimboleko engenanzalo nokuthi yiluphi usizo olukhona.
2. Abasekhweni
Abasekhweni yibo abagxila kakhulu ekusolweni nasekuhlanjaneni lapho kunezingxabano emshadweni. Kodwa zikhona izindlela zokulondoloza ubuhlobo obuhle nabo. Nawa amanye amathiphu:
a. Remember your spouse’s parents have known your husband longer and loved him longer. Ungalokothi wenze inkinga mayelana “mina noma bona”.
b. Vumela amaqembu ahlukene azilungisele izingxabano zawo. Uma umkhwekazi wakho enenkinga nomyeni wakhe, mababhekane nakho. Ungaphazamisi.
c. Don’t tell your spouse how to improve his relationship with his parents.
d. Lindela isikhathi esithile sokulungisa ukuze abazali ngemva komshado bazivumelanise nalobu buhlobo obusha.
e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
e. Njalo phatha abasekhweni lakho ngozwelo, inhlonipho nomusa.
f. Gcina ukulingana phakathi kwezidingo zakho kanye nezabasekhweni lakho.
g. Never compare your husband to your dad.
h. Ungayi kubazali bakho ngokuxabana kwakho.
i. Uma wondla abazali bakho ngokwezimali yazisa owakwakho njengendaba yenhlonipho nokucaca.
j. Do not prevent your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k. Ungadaluli izimfihlo.
l. Zinike isikhathi sokwazi abasekhweni kodwa ungangeni ezingxabanweni zabo.
m. Maintain the Adaab (amalebula) of Islam nodadewenu- nabalamu (okusho ukuthi akukho ukugona noma ukuqabulana).
n. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws unless your husband asks you to.
o. Nikeza ogogo nomkhulu ukufinyelela okulula nokunengqondo kubazukulu babo.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Khumbula ukuthi akekho ongagxambukela noma abe nomthelela emshadweni wakho ngaphandle kokuba umvumele.
r. Mema abasekhweni okungenani kanye ngenyanga ukuze nidle.
s. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit his parents and regularly check on them.
t. Lapho abazali sebethembele ezinganeni zabo, kufanele kube nengxoxo ejulile nazo zonke izinhlangothi ezikhona. Okulindelekile nezimfuneko zalolu hlelo lokuhlala kufanele kusetshenzwe.
3. Ukuba ngumzali
The tug of war that results from different understandings of what parenting is, is also a source of tension in marriage. Isixazululo esisodwa ukuqala ukufunda mayelana nokukhulisa izingane zamaSulumane ngaphambi kokuba nezingane. Uma usunazo izingane, usengafunda.
4. Ukucindezeleka
Ukucindezeleka kuyisici esicishe sibe njalo ekuphileni kwabantu abaningi eNyakatho Melika. Imibhangqwana yamaSulumane ayihlukile. Ukucindezeleka emsebenzini, Ngokwesibonelo, athwalwe ayiswe ekhaya.
Imibhangqwana kanye nemindeni kudingeka benze indlela yokubhekana nesimo emndenini. Ngokwesibonelo, imibhangqwana ingathatha uhambo lokuxoxa ngosuku noma iye eMasjid okungenani ngomkhuleko owodwa. They can read Qur’aan individually or together. Izindlela zingahluka, but as long as they are Halaal and work, zingasetshenziswa.
5. Udlame lwasekhaya
Lokhu kuyiqiniso elidabukisa kakhulu futhi ngaphandle uma kubhekwana nalo ngokushesha izisulu, abenzi bobubi kanye/noma labo abathintekayo ngalokhu okubili, khona-ke umndeni uzophuka. Ukufuna usizo kuyadingeka futhi uma udlame lwasekhaya lungayekwa, imiphumela ebhubhisayo ngeke nje ibe yingozi endodeni nomfazi, kodwa nasezinganeni zabo.
Amalungu omndeni, friends and Imaams need to stop the abuse. Kumelwe bangenelele futhi basebenzele ukuthola usizo lwendoda nomfazi.
6. Ukungahambisani okungokomoya
This is a growing problem within the Muslims. Kunokuntuleka okuphazamisayo kokubekezelelana phakathi kwentsha yamaSulumane, ikakhulukazi, abangase bangene emaqenjini afana namahlelo ashumayela a “silungile futhi wonke umuntu unephutha” ingqondo.
Lokhu kungabekezelelani kudluliselwa emishadweni, lapho umbhangqwana ungase uhluke emaphuzwini amancane okholo. Imibhangqwana eshadile kufanele iwuqonde umehluko phakathi kokwehluka kwemibono eyamukelekayo ngokwenkolo yamaSulumane naleyo engemukelekile. Kumele bahlakulele ukubekezelelana, ukulinganisa nokuhlonipha ukungezwani kwabo kuleso sisekelo.
7. Ukungasebenzi kahle kwezocansi
Lena enye yezinkinga okungakhulunywa kakhulu ngazo, kodwa iyona edala umonakalo emishadweni eminingi. Imibhangqwana eminingi eshadayo ayiwufundi umbono wamaSulumane ngocansi nomshado. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho benganelisekile ngabashade nabo, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, esikhundleni sesixazululo.
Imibhangqwana kufanele iqonde ukuthi ubuhlobo bomshado kule ndawo, njengakwabanye, idinga umsebenzi nesineke futhi ayikwazi ukuba yindaba yokufisa nokuntula isineke. Ulwazi, ukuzijwayeza futhi uma kungenzeka, iseluleko sohlakaniphileyo, isazi esinozwelo yizici ezimbili ezibalulekile ekutholeni isisombululo sale nkinga.
8. Interfaith marriages
AmaSulumane ayakwenqabela ukushada phakathi kwabesifazane abangamaSulumane namadoda angewona amaMuslim. Kunedlanzana labesifazane abangamaSulumane abaye bathatha lesi sinyathelo futhi bazisola kamuva. Isenzo esinjalo, emindenini eminingi yamaSulumane, kuholela ekutheni owesifazane akhishwe inyumbazane nomndeni wakhe ngaphandle kokusekwa. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho kuvela izingxabano emshadweni, ukwesekwa kwabazali, ekhona imibhangqwana eminingi yamaSulumane, ayikho kulaba besifazane. Laba besifazane abangamaSulumane bangase babe necala lokungalaleli u-Allah nokulimaza abazali babo.
Kwezinye izimo, Abesifazane abangamaSulumane bacela amadoda angewona amaSulumane abafuna ukuwashada ukuthi aguqule ngaphambi nje komshado ukuze ashweleze kubazali babo. Nalapha futhi lokhu kungaholela ezingxabanweni zomshado. Izinto ezimbili zivame ukwenzeka. Either the man becomes a truly practicing Muslim and the couple is no longer compatible; or he’s bombarded with Muslims from the community wanting to invite him to Islaam and he gets upset and may hate Islaam.
Endabeni yamadoda angamaMuslim ashada nabesifazane bamaJuda namaKrestu, isimo sihlukile. Ngenkathi i-Islam ivumela lokhu, Amadoda angamaSulumane ashada namaJuda namaKristu kudingeka akhumbule ukuthi abahlala eNtshonalanga, uma begcina ngokudivosa, izingane cishe zizonikezwa umama ngokuzenzakalelayo. Futhi, khumbula ukuthi umama uyisikole esibaluleke kakhulu somntwana. If you want your kids to grow up as practicing Muslims, you are better off marrying a practicing Muslim woman, ikakhulukazi eNtshonalanga, lapho amathonya amasiko angewona amaSulumane ngaphandle kwekhaya anamandla ngokwanele. Ngaphakathi ekhaya, it will become even harder to maintain Islamic influences if a mother is not a practicing Muslim herself.
9. Imishado yamasiko
Nakuba i-Islam ayikwenqabeli imishado yamasiko, zingaba umthombo wokungezwani lapho amaSulumane, ikakhulukazi umbhangqwana, kodwa nemindeni yabo, make their culture more important than Islaam. Uma ukwesekwa kwabazali kukhona umshado wamasiko, izinto zihamba kahle kwabashadile. Uma engekho, futhi uma kukhona ngisho nokuphikisa okunobutha ohlangothini lomzali oyedwa noma womabili, kungaba ngcono ukungashadi nomuntu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
10. Ukungabi namakhono asekhaya
Nakuba amantombazane ekhuthazwa ukuba abe ososayensi, onjiniyela nodokotela, Ngokwesibonelo, akukho okugcizelelwa kakhulu ekutholeni amakhono asekhaya. Kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi ku-Islam, kuyilapho abesifazane benganqatshelwe ukusebenza ngaphakathi kweziqondiso zamaSulumane, namadoda akhuthazwa ukuba asize ngemisebenzi yasendlini, umsebenzi oyinhloko wabesifazane ungaphakathi kwekhaya njengomphathi wekhaya nomama. Ngenxa yokushoda kwamakhono asekhaya, imibhangqwana eminingi eshadile izithola isemizini engcolile, lapho ukudla kuntula ukudla okunomsoco futhi ngokuvamile, kukhona ukukhungatheka.
11. Owesifazane wanamuhla ongumSulumane uhlangana nendoda yeMuslim yakudala
Nakuba abesifazane abasebasha abangamaSulumane baseNtshonalanga bekhuthazwa ukuba baqine futhi bazethembe, abafana bakhuliswa ngendlela efanayo nangokwesiko elilindelwe oyise. Ngenxa yalokho, imibhangqwana emisha ibhekene nempi, lapho okwakudala, umfana omncane ongumSulumane ngeke aphakamise umunwe endlini (kwazise akakaze ambone ubaba wakhe enza lento) futhi umkakhe osemncane ongumSulumane ulindele ukuthi angene, njengoMprofethi uMuhammad (ukuthula nezibusiso makube kuye) enze namakhosikazi akhe.
The wife needs to be wise in dealing with such problems Islamically by restraining her tongue and expecting the reward from Allah. By being patient and persevering and looking-out for a good opportunity in which to sit down calmly and resolve such issues with her spouse she will find many blessings indeed.
Umshado Omsulwa
….Lapho Ukuzijwayeza Kwenza Kuphelele
Isihloko esivela-Muslim ekahle – elethwe kuwe yi-Pure Matrimony- www.purematrimony.com - Inkonzo Yomshado Enkulu Kunayo Yonke Emhlabeni Yokwenza AmaSulumane.
Thanda lesi sihloko? Funda kabanzi ngokubhalisela izibuyekezo zethu lapha:http://purematrimony.com/blog
Noma bhalisa nathi ukuze uthole ingxenye yedeen yakho Insha’Allah ngokuya ku:www.PureMatrimony.com
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