The In-Laws… A fragile relationship

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By Pure Matrimony -


In-Laws always get bad press for mostly cultural practices which have no bearing in Islam. But, how do you reconcile what your family wants with what you want? How do you foster a positive relationship with in-laws that will ultimately give you peace and harmony in your life?

This is one area of Islam that is often neglected – especially in the South Asian community where it’s seen as normal practice for daughter-in-laws to live with the husband’s family and ultimately help take care of them. No other culture ascribes to this practice, whereas in the Arab culture, it is customary for a man to buy his prospective wife a home FIRST before they marry so she has a place to call her own.

Allah (SWT) says:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Regardless of which culture you belong in, the reality of the situation is that being married inevitably means dealing with your in-laws to a greater or lesser degree. So the question here is how should practicing Muslims deal with the in-laws?

What rights and responsibilities do you have over your in-laws and which rights and responsibilities do they have over you? How do you deal with the issue of in-laws who interfere in every aspect of your life, and what happens when the upbringing of children is thrown into the mix?

What exactly does Islam say about the role of a daughter in-law? Are they really required to look after their in-laws or is this simply a cultural practice? And lastly, what should you do you do when your in-laws are of a different aqeedah and insist on including or imposing certain ‘religious’ practices on you?

Join us on this thought-provoking webinar: ‘How To Deal With The In-Laws’ with Shiekh Musleh Khan on Tuesday 25th December 2012 from 7pm to 8.30pm and discover how to tackle these issues in the light of the Qur’an and Sunnah.

To register and to find out more go

7 Comments to The In-Laws… A fragile relationship

  1. Assalam alikum
    sir, i wud like to share my personal experience of in-laws. i m frm a pakistani , muslim family. when i was married , my x husband was out of pakistan, i was living with my inlaws , sir i dnt hav words to explain , how my inlaws had done cruel behaviour with me, my x mother in law , forcefully made me a house servant of 24 hrs, i always used to luk after her sons and daughter, when i was pregnent she always behave me like i m nothing but an animal to to work and work for my all brother in laws, moreover she forcfully told me to sign stamp papers to not to visit my mothers home , and to sign stamp papers and promise her that i shud always done all household work of all of my inlaws daily, she never felt that i m a human, i had a baby in my womb , i also need sum rest sum luv, my husband was abroad, my inlaws r so cruel that they forcfully stoped communication between me nd my husband, and after a very looooong period of cruelty and misbehaved acts my x mother in law finally kicked me out of her home, nd told me that u r not that girl which we hav chosen for our son,u r not beautiful, ur milk is not tasty, ur child dnt like ur milk, u r frm a poor family, so leave us, and get out of my home, she was a very proudy woman, her husband(my x father in law) is also in abroad . i tried alot to communicate my x husband but he told me that he will do what his mother was saying so good bye nd dnt call me again. i tearfully beg him to plz be merciful on me, that i wanna liv with u, plz bring me thier in abroad but he refused. nd finally my inlaws kikd me out of thier home. inlaws r so cruel, they ruind my whole life.

    • I can imagine what you’ve been through and i must say this is common in Pakistan. Am too married to a Pakistani man, however, i did not have such experience as i realized he was not a good man and i leave him less than 3 months after our marriage. However, during my short period of marriage, i saw how my in-laws treated my x husband’s sister in law. They really make her like a slave and the husband did nothing to protect his wife (now x-wife).
      My personal opinion is that they are not following what religion wants but following what seem to be right for them.
      I think it is better for you not to be with your husband anymore as to me a good husband will protect and care his wife and their children from harm and wrongdoings.
      I pray to Allah that He gives you strength and happiness even with or without your husband as the ultimate love is not lies in man but in Allah. Seek His guidance and i’m sure you will feel His mercy and grant you with sakinah.


    • Pure Matrimony_7

      Assalamu Alaikum,

      You can access our webinars from the Pure Matrimony page on YouTube. Inshallah we will be posting the webinars on the blog too.

  2. Assalamualaikum , sister, very good topic that you are handling, n m sure abt all the examples that u gave are fairly true. But what about in laws who dont want the bride to work for them, they very happily let them have a separate house n never want her to be a slave…but they just want to have good akhlaaq like smling at mother in law(who ws pining for a daughter in law) or asking about your mother in law’s health, meeting on Eid’s, accepting dinner invitation from your in laws, picking up their phiones… sometimes!!!!
    Some brides are very good muslimas but they don’t want anything to do with thewir in laws…sure they send the groom to his family for everything… but never herself!!! is that ok??!!1
    i searched the net for it, but all i could found ws how daughter in law is mistreated n her rights n her duties… wat abt the rights of in laws(especially the parents)or at least their righteous pure loving intentions n expections!!!
    in laws can be good too…

  3. Mohammed Baybars Mehdi

    People need to understand living with in laws is strongly discouraged. This practise is not from the sunnah so I hope Shiekh Musleh Khan speaks out against this backward practise no matter how many people it upsets. We should not raise our daughters or our sisters in Islam to be slaves to their in laws. It is NOT the way of our prophet السلم عليكم. Stop following the Hindus.

    Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?” The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself. Sahih al-Bukhari 5232. Book 67, Hadith 165

  4. I hav been married for 18 years now im british and so is my husband. We live in our own house its been three years now. My husband wants his parents to move in with us but I dont as I know it will cause alot of problems. I just want to know in islam do I have the right to say no or are my inlaws my responsibility.

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