Finding Allah Through Divorce

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Finding Allah Through Divorce
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By Pure Matrimony -

Author: Maryam Amirebrahimi

Source: www.suhaibwebb.com

Most people who marry do not expect their marriages to end in divorce. But what if they do? How does a person recover from a difficult marriage or a divorce? Below, one woman describes her experiences and shares her reflections.

“Divorce: a word that has always weighed really heavily on my heart. In fact, I would ponder about how heavy the Arabic word for it sounded. Talaq felt like each of its letters came out with difficulty.

I saw it happening to people around me but never imagined it happening to me. Not because I am special in any way, but because like any other girl I had dreams of a blissful marriage filled with love, kind words, and just lots of beautiful things. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

A few months into my marriage I saw a side of me that I never even knew existed. I went from being someone who was full of energy to someone who feared doing anything, from someone who loved to smile at everyone and everything around me to someone who forgot what it felt like to smile. Tears followed tears. From nights that were filled with beautiful conversations with the Almighty, to sleepless nights spent thinking of solutions to my many problems. I kept asking myself: Who am I? Why has my marriage changed me so much? Why do I feel lost and confused? Why is there no one around me to support me through this? I noticed my self esteem go downhill and with it went my iman (faith). I was unknowingly distancing myself from the One who mattered to me the most: Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He).

I could no longer make decisions on my own, something I grew up doing with the help of my parents. I grew up in a household that respected my decisions; my father’s role was always that of an advisor and a supporter, not that of a commander. But in my marriage I felt restricted in all that I did and fearful before making any decisions.

I was being spiritually abused. I did not even know that form of abuse existed until I experienced it. I drifted further and further away from Allah (swt). I missed Him. I wanted the life I used to have back, but most importantly I wanted the relationship I had with Allah (swt) back. He must have missed me, too, because 11 months into my marriage I went through a divorce. What I truly found amazing is that the divorce happened a day after I prayed istikhara (the prayer of guidance) about continuing in that relationship.

I was left with no closure; my ex-husband disappeared (literally) after ending the relationship over a phone conversation. At that moment, something beautiful happened. Allah (swt) was back. It was then that I realized He had never left. He was always there and always will be, but now He was back to being my focal point in my life. In knowing that, I found comfort, and most importantly I found closure.

I was blessed to have a supportive family and great friends around me, but their support was different from the kind of support that can only come from Allah (swt). In the middle of the night when strange thoughts haunt you and you’re left crying into your pillow, Allah (swt) sends His sakinah (tranquility). He reassures you that He is there for you, and you get up in the stillness of the night and pray. As my forehead reached the ground, I was overcome with tears of gratitude that I was now safe with Him. I realized that what I just gained back was more precious to me than the world and everything in it: that feeling of peace that was never present when I distanced myself from Him. To many, it seemed like I had lost a husband and my chance to ever get married again. If only they knew that in reality I had gained so much and lost nothing.

“What has he lost who has found you (O Allah), and what has he found who has lost you (O Allah)?” – Ibn `Ata’ Allah rahimahu Allah (may God have mercy on him)

The experience I went through changed my outlook on life, on people, and on myself. I learned to trust in Allah (swt). He taught me how to trust Him. I heard it from many, read it in articles, listened to it in many lectures. “Trust in Allah.” But Allah (swt) is the best of teachers. When you make Him your source of strength, nothing can break you—not someone’s words nor their harsh treatment. He will start to show you in ways you never thought possible that if you trust Him, He will never let you down. He will shower you with blessings. Believe Him when He says:

“…And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him…” (Qur’an 65:2-3).

Guess where this beautiful verse happens to be in the Qur’an? The chapter titled “The Divorce”.

He has certainly provided for me from where I did not expect. Three years later, I am happily married to a wonderful man alhamdulillah (praise be to God). A man who teaches me everyday that true happiness lies in tawakkul, full reliance on Allah (swt). A man who is a reminder to me that this beautiful deen(religion) is a source of empowerment for both men and women alike and should never be used to belittle anyone. A man whose mouth utters nothing but kind words and whose beautiful character teaches me how to become a better person.

To all those who have been through a divorce, men or women: make that experience your strength, and do not let things that some people in our society say let you down. Most importantly, do not let your own self down. Be the one to set an example to those around you that being a divorcee is merely an experience and not a status that you need to carry with you for the rest of your life.

This is not the end; it is the beginning of many beautiful things. Do not lose faith, and do not let your divorce define the person you are today in a negative way. Strengthen yourself so you can help other divorcees when they need it. As difficult as it may be, do not dwell too much on the reasons behind your divorce or who was right or wrong, and most importantly, do not tell yourself, “It wasn’t my fault.” Look for faults within yourself or think of ways in which you could have handled some situations better, so that you learn from mistakes and become a better person.

One thing I learned about myself is that I need to stop believing everything that is told to me, especially in regards to my own religion. I decided to seek knowledge for myself so that no one can ever manipulate me into believing things that are not necessarily true.

Do not wait for anyone to make you happy. Do not walk into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy. Find out what brings you happiness, and do more of that.

After my divorce, I refused to hibernate in my room and think for hours about what went wrong, so I decided to volunteer at a center that helped children with special needs. I walked in with the hope of helping them out, but I walked out realizing that they were the ones helping me. Despite their disabilities, they still managed to smile. Every morning I got a hug from them that brightened my day. They made me realize the many blessings all around us that we fail to see once we mistakenly decide that our life has ended due to one difficult experience.

Build a support system, be around positive people, and please know with certainty that even if nobody in the entire world knows or can relate to what you’ve been through, Allah (swt) knows, and He will get you through it. There can be no greater solace than that.”

Pure Matrimony

….Where Practice Makes Perfect

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17 Comments to Finding Allah Through Divorce

  1. Monsurat

    Allahu Akbar.Thank you for posting this massage, am reading it at the right time.with Allah all things are possible.

  2. Subhanallaah!! This is too surreal and almost as if my life has been poured into this writing.. word to word.
    At one moment I started to think if I had written this somewhere. It has all the emotions and thoughts I once had- when I felt my life had ended.. Alhamdulillaah for the divorce, I found Allaah again and got a chance to grow closer to Him when I was lost.. Thank you for writing this sis Maryam. May Allaah bless you and increase for you. Aameen

  3. MashAllah! Like this post..I have been feeling like this in my relationship but I am still continuing.. I now know that going through this on daily basis is far more difficult than ending it once for all. So actually one realizes that this divorce thing is in fact a blessing in disguise where Allah swt doesn’t want his servant to go through the pain continuously. I pray to Almighty to increase your blessings and ease the pains of ones like me.

  4. Mukarram hussain

    May Allah give you all strength I pray for all those who is passing through this difficult times and give all the ummah hisayah and safe from this difficult time

  5. a sister in islam

    as salam alaikum sister, wallahi , i cant beleive it myself bt am tellin the truth that al that happend with you was what exactly i had gone thru my marriage of 14 months
    as i read i feel each of ur word having gone thru myself , evry word, ya allah , i had not seen or felt anything like this bfr even to comprehend dat i was acting normal , but the relief came , alhamdulillah.
    n even i did my istikhara the morning bfr i finally decided that this had to end
    the decision dint come that easy though as the word divorce itself is pretty scary fr anyone to hear imagine going thru it .
    ,subhanallah how allah tests us n bring us back to him in ways we cant even imagine,. may allah bless you sister n reward fr ur tuff times in a beautiful way ,.

  6. Subhanallah,Alhamdulillah, Allah Akbar, u wrote everything down for me. Now I can only say divorce is indeed one of Allah’s mercy without which most of us will still be in misery,alhamdulillah.

      • Pure Matrimony Admin- Umm Khan

        If Allah had not mentioned that He dislikes Divorce amongst the things that He has made permissible for the ummah, then probably most couples would be divorced by now. So though Allah has been merciful to grant us this option He also wants us to be very serious when making the decision for divorce .

  7. Im so grateful, Im reading this today. Im going thru a similar phase. My 18month old marriage is collapsing and my gut feeling is divorce is inevitable… Ive been married but in prison. Im crying everyday, im unhappy. Though, every difficulty is a blessing in disguise. My faith wasnt that great before but this matter has grown me closer to Allah SWT. As HE never burden our shoulders beyond what they can take, i remain comfident that better days are ahead Inch Allah. If divorce is the last option, then that s my God s will. Allah swt bless you ladies all and give us strength to get past our difficult times

  8. anonymous

    It took me 10 years to find my strength and my lord! And when i did find him… as you said he had never left. I thank him for all my trials because i have definately gained strength through them. I am trying as much as i can to help children around me and i find myself very lucky to have the Almighty give me such opportunities. Your story touched my heart and yes there are many more who need our strength. Not only from spiritual abuse but physical, mental and emotional out of which they aren’t able to come out! If it took me 10 years it can take others forever! Thank you for adressing this and making your story a motivation for people to have more faith in the Almighty and stand for their rights – theyr rights to love Allah!

  9. Shuaib Hafsoh

    I found this article very useful and uplifting. it actually lifted my spirit. I am willing to get some help. I am at a point of taking a decision in my life. I really pray Allah helps me out and allowed the best to happen to me. of course, I will get out of my sad moment and brace up. please I want ask that when one has a baby husband what are the likely ways out? thank you so much.

  10. I read this article when a friend posted it on FB. I cried reading it. I read it over and over again. I lost 13 years of marriage and more than 15 years of relationship. I never knew that it will too happened to me. Alhamdulillah, with Allah’s help and guidance I managed to go through my days with my kids and make the most of it. I now believe that things happen for reasons beyond our imagination. And Allah has been kind to show me the truth so far. Though it breaks me, took all my characters away. I understand now that Allah did not change him for Allah wants me to see the true person he is. I cry every day but at the same time I find courage in every tears. Now, I keep myself occupied with the things I have put aside all these years.. I started studying, I spend more quality time with my kids and and focus more to get myself close to Allah.. alhamdulillah. Insyaallah, I believe Allah has better plans for us.. I pray for Allah to stay and be with me during my darkest hours.

  11. Assalam everyone….im left alone with a 9 month son now.ma husband left us.i am all broken n cofused too with the present situation,but alhamdulilah i have a supportive parents.ma mum cries fr me.i dont know how to handle this situation,still moving forward in good hopes…ma son is learning to speak now..he play with ma brother’s kid n when they call ma brother papa he even tries to repeat the same…i feel hrtbroken when i hear…its a request pls pray for ma son.

  12. Subhan ALLAH, so beautiful.

    Your words are echos of what i have been through,

    An oppressive marriage throughout a difficult pregnancy.

    Allhamduillah, ALLAH is the Best of Planners. I trust in HIS Plan. I have a beautiful baby girl and am searching for a partner. I request your duas.

    Sisters remember that two of the Prophet’s (Salalhu Aliyahi wa Sallam) daughters were unjustly divorced.

    ALLAH provide us all with pious, just, merciful and God fearing men as husbands soon and make us the coolness of their eyes. Ameen.

    Salaams and duas.

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